What Do You Have to Contribute?

A few years ago about the time I decided to stay home with my kids I was sitting on my couch chatting with a family member.  My husband came up in conversation and she said, "You are very lucky to have him. He's a good man." I readily agreed and quipped, "I'd like to think he's pretty lucky, too." Without missing a beat, she asked, "What do you contribute? What do you do?"  Needless to say, I was crushed. (Goes back to my love language.)  This also came at a time in my life when I was struggling to define myself. Was I working mom? Was I a stay at home Mom? How can I be SuperMom? What did I do well?  Did I do anything well? Was I burden on my husband since we no longer had my income? What did I contribute?

I struggled with these questions for months and years.  Every now and again, it bothers me that I don't contribute financially to our family. But then I look at my three children and realize that sacrificing my income to be there full-time with my babies was the best thing I could have done for our family.  My kids are well-adjusted, polite, intelligent people who will contribute their time and talent to society when the time comes.

It's been about two years since that conversation and let me tell you what I contribute to my family:

• 3 healthy children
•  nourishment through breastfeeding. Yeah that's right. My babies were nourished solely by me the first 6 months of their lives.
• availability
• encouragement
• teachings/lessons:  I teach love, kindness, obedience, how to have a relationship with our Savior, how to be a good wife, mother, and daughter. I am the first example of how to act that my children see and I want it to be a good one.
• How to laugh at oneself. We're not perfect and if we can learn from our mistakes and move on, the better.
• How to forgive.
• How to love.
• A balancing act. I keep us humming along between work schedules, play dates, doctor's appointments, school schedules, vacations, and extracurriculars.
• gifts from the heart. While I don't have money to buy fancy presents, I've learned to make things (such as my afghans) and give them as gifts. My children treasure the blankets I've made for each one of them.
• time. I can't make time stand still, but I sure can do as much as I can with the time I do have. These kids just grow up way too fast and they'll be gone and on their own before I know it.
• friendship.  While I'm still the parent and they are my kids, I also want to develop a friendship. I want my kids to share their hopes, dreams, and future plans. I also want to be my husband's best friend and greatest support.
• How to be a friend. Friends extend outside the family. In order to have friends you need to be a friend. It's a give and take. I wouldn't be where I am now without the love and support of some very good friends.
• All of me. My role right now, in this moment, is to serve my family. I pray that I have the grace to do it and to do it well.
• A healthy environment so that my children are well adjusted, stable, secure, and self-confident. 

It's quite the list. It's not necessarily all-inclusive. I'm sure there's more. But that's it in a nutshell. I have also decided that I will not allow someone else to define me. I will not let anyone make me feel "less than" because I am not a financial contributor to the family income. I chose this role and I'm proud of it. Cheers!

Now may the God of peace---who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepherd of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood--may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. (Hebrews 13:20-21)

Identity

Yesterday, I officially resigned from teaching in my local school system.  It was something that's been a long time coming. I've been on childcare leave for the last 3 years. This is the last year that I could take off before making my final decision to either go back to work or resign.  When I received my final paperwork, I knew that I would check off the box that gave my resignation. Even though I've been looking forward to this for quite some time, it was still scary to check off that box. It means that I am no longer employed and no longer tied to the school system. SCARY!

I received the paperwork just days after having Bam Bam. I feel like it's divine intervention. I do feel that it's God's way of saying that I can take this time to be a mommy and to say goodbye to my career for a while.  Not forever, but for a while.

For so long being a teacher was my identity. I knew who I was and I knew how to do my job.  Over the last 3 years I've been working on this new identity of being a stay-at-home mom.  It's a roller coaster ride. It's unpredictable, scary, fun, intimidating, exhilarating, exhausting, and the best job I have ever had.  Some days I don't think I'm very good at it, and other days I feel like I've completely hit it out of the park.  There's no other place I'd rather be right now.

I feel like I missed so much the first 2 years of Boogie's life while I worked. I'm happy that I took some time off to spend time with him that last 3 years and then to be around for Buggy and for Bam-Bam.  As a friend pointed, it's not forever. I could always go back if I wanted. But right now I have the opportunity to be totally selfish of my time and to do what I want. So I choose to stay home with the kids.  But I also realize that it's no longer my time and I don't get to do whatever I want. It's my kids' time and what I want to do is to serve them in this time.  So rewarding!  If I can raise them to be empathetic, helpful, loving, and kind people, then I've done a good job.

In the meantime I've decided to seriously focus on writing. I've received a lot of positive feedback from some of my posts.  I'm still in a "new" Mommy stupor and pretty exhausted, but as I continue to heal and get back into the swing of things, I'm going to start submitting some of my writing. Wish me luck!

Now when people ask what I do, instead of saying "I'm a teacher" I say, "I'm a Stay-at-home Mom."  It has a nice ring to it.

Living in the Moment

This month my son will turn 4 years old. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. I am grateful that I decided 2 years ago to take a break from teaching and to spend more time with him.

Not only does my son turn 4, but so does his best friend.  Four years ago, my best friend and I were pregnant with our first babies who were born 3 weeks apart.  Now our little ones are turning 4 and they have so much to share with us. I am constantly amazed by how intuitive and observant my son is...especially since he is a ball of crazy energy most of the time! How does he have time to be observant when he is running around so much?  But he is.

Lately my son has been saying, "I don't want to be 4! Can you make me not turn 4?"  What, you don't want to turn 4? What are you talking about?  Well come to find out, I have been saying things like:

 "You don't need my help putting on your shoes, you know how to do it, and you're almost 4. You Should be doing it on your own."

"Put on your jacket. Yes, you know how to do it, you're almost 4."

"Speak like a big boy. You are almost 4." (This is when he uses baby talk because his 16 month old sister is still learning how to say her words. He sees that she gets what she wants like milk or crackers when she signs or says basic words.)

What I thought was motivating ended up backfiring on me. My son equated being 4 with having more responsibility and he's not down with it at all. Why be 4 when being 3 means you still get help? Not bad thinking for an almost 4 year old :)  So my son's living in the moment of being 3 and trying to soak it all up before he turns 4 at the end of the month.

His best friend is also living in the moment. We went to her birthday party yesterday.  She got some new outfits and she was concerned that they all be size 4, well because she is 4.  She can't wear size 3 anymore because she's not 3, and she's not 5 yet, so size 5 is out of the question. She has to wear size 4.  It's as if she was saying...don't hold me back, I'm growing up, but don't make me grow up too fast...I'm 4!  She's living in the moment.

Too many times I'm doing something and wishing I was doing something else, but if I change tack, I wish I was doing the original activity, because I really need to get it done.  I feel like I never live in the moment, but always thinking of what's to come.  It's not a good way to live. I have a fantastic life and yes I have a lot to do being a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM): being cruise director for the family's activities, running errands to for the supplies to keep our family dressed, fed, and to do the activities we want to do, point person for everything going on, plus being there 100% for my husband and kids, not to mention the activities or committees I have joined so that I can continue to be well-rounded, oh, and the crafts I enjoy doing!

So I will take a page out of Boogie and his best friend's book and live in the moment. Get the things done that need to get done, but enjoy life, too! Thanks for the reminder, my dear 4 year olds!