Can I Pencil You In?

I'm still here. I'm still running. I'm still being a mommy with a lot on my to-do list. Lately, I have felt that I haven't been a good friend to any of my friends. I have so much I do with and for the kids that I haven't made the time to get together with anyone else. I'm sorry.  Really I am. It's not you, it's me.

I've been working on my own time line and if you've asked me for a date and I haven't gotten back to you, it's that I am working on one thing at a time and that thing you asked me for...well it's behind several other things.

I know. It's awful.  I should make time for my friends. All the magazine articles, MOPS meetings, tv commercials tell me I'm missing out if I don't make time to get together with my friends.. But can I be honest? I.am.tired. That's it. I'm just tired and crazy busy. Not really discombobulated or overwhelmed, just busy. I'm not doing anything super exciting or crafty. I'm just being mom and every hour/day is filled with one thing or another. There are times that I have scheduled a get together months in advance. No lie. Months.  Just last week I went to a Another Mother Runner event with another running friend. I think we had this on our calendar for months. I was really looking forward to it and last week between the PTA Book Fair, potty training the 2 year old, figuring out whether or not I'll run in a half marathon next week (I'm not), and trying to plan a family party for my middle child's upcoming 5th birthday, I completely forgot. If my friend hadn't messaged me and told me she was excited about getting together and going I might have missed it altogether. As it stood I was lucky to get a last minute babysitter!

I feel bad. It's not that I need help with this or that. It's just I'm always in the midst of doing one thing or another.  And Hubby's new schedule has just thrown me off. I should be used to it by now, I mean it's been 3 months now, but we're still flitting by on the seat of our pants. Things get done. But if I have any extra free time, I'm spending it with my Hubby, whether it's date night on the sofa eating Thai food and watching Netflix, or I'm in the middle of folding laundry while he's doing his back exercises.

I know this whole not able to make time for my friends is going to bite me in the butt sooner or later.  It's ironic really. The first few years of staying home with my kids I was desperate to find friends. Somebody to hang out with to help me fill those oh, so lonely days where I didn't have any adult interaction or conversation until Hubby walked in the door after a long day at work. Now, I crave the solitude. And yes, most of the time I run solo so that I can just be alone and not have to answer to anyone for at least a half hour or so.  I also get to squeeze in a good book by listening to it. It's all about the multitasking, Baby.

I miss my friends. I miss seeing them. The thing is I know we are all busy, so I don't ever try to schedule anything. I'd much rather someone call me and throw out some dates and I do mean dates as in the plural so that I have a better chance of having at least one of those days free-ish. It's trying to find time between the soccer games and practices, potty training, being the room parent, or helping out at the book fair. I promise I'll do better. Really I will. Just after we finish with the book fair, plan the middle child's birthday, and the Halloween/harvest festivals at the kids' schools, finding costumes for the children, oh, and my sister-in-law's baby shower, and hosting Thanksgiving for the extended family, and preparing for advent and Christmas, oh, and while your at it, throw in a 5K or two. So like in January? Call me? Maybe?

Hanging On

Hats off to all of the single parents out there. I only have to do it temporarily and only every few months. However, when I do it, I am exhausted!  Most nights after the kids are in bed, I find myself face down on my bed trying to find the willpower to get up from my 2 minute "let's sit down and rest" so I can finish putting away the dinner dishes, feed the cats, lock up the house, prepare everything for the activities for the next day, and pop up in a moment's notice when one of my doodlebugs startles in the middle of the night and needs me. There doesn't seem to be a down time.

Hubby is working on a big project that will take him in and out of town over the next few months. The thing with his job is sometimes he doesn't know when he's headed out and I'll find out a few days ahead of time with an, "Oh, Babe, I gotta travel in a few days and it will be for x amount of time."  We did really well last February. We knew it was happening, we knew he'd be gone for a while, and I used all my "waiting" time to prep myself mentally and emotionally.  With the help of technology and lots of "Face Time" thanks to last year's anniversary presents of iphones for each of us, the kids and I were able to see Hubby often enough to make things easier.

This time around has been a little tougher. I think that the timing isn't the greatest (but when is it ever great?). The beginning of the school year, the beginning of new extracurriculars, and new schedules have made this season's traveling a bit harder. We weren't set in our school routine when Hubby had to start traveling, so Boogie has been taking it especially hard. My heart broke a little when I overheard him tell Hubby, "I tried to fall asleep in your bed when Mommy was downstairs. I even tried to sleep on your side of the bed, but it didn't help. I still missed you a lot, so I went back to my own bed."  The little kids seems to be doing okay with it. Buggy knows that this is just the way it goes and keeps telling Daddy to "have a good time and I miss you!" and Mr. Bananas goes with the flow because he doesn't know any better. But, man, my Boogie Monster is having a rough time.  He's super bouncy. He's antagonizing his sister more than usual and having a harder time following directions.

Me? I'm more exhausted than ever. I'm keeping busy by training for next month's running festival.  Running let's me forget how tough it can be sometimes.  I think I'm also trying to run myself into exhaustion so that I'll sleep better at night, but that's not working. Not getting enough sleep coupled with intense work outs are leaving me drained and a little cranky. Not a good combo.

But day by day and week by week we'll get by. We're settling into school routines and by the end of the week each of the kids will be scheduled into their extracurriculars. Buggy and Bananas are taking gymnastics this Fall and Boogie is signed up for soccer. Gymnastics started last week and soccer will begin this Saturday. I think regular classes/practices will keep us busy and we'll settle into an overall life routine for the school year.

I'm very grateful for the offers of help from various friends. However, I think my strategy will be to hold on tight and keep on runnin'. Oh, and prayers for patience. Lots and lots of patience!

And just as it says in Proverbs 31, her husband has confidence in her (I just wish I had a little more in myself)...she works with eager hands (well mostly eager)... she gets up while it's still night (did I actually ever fall asleep???)...she sets about her work vigorously (keeping busy is my motto)...her arms are strong for the task (and for lots of hugs for my sweet kids who need a little more TLC)...

Here's to praying for a little less discombobulation and a little more strength and patience.

Our early bird squeezed in one more snuggle and one more story before Daddy left for his business trip

My Heart's Desires...

During my do over day when my BFF came over for a playdate for our kids I mentioned to her that I was in a place in my life that was maybe stagnant, but not really, but maybe lazy?  What I meant was that I wasn't currently pursuing any jobs or schooling. That I was home just doing my thing with my kids and then as I was telling her I thought, "This is the first time I realized that I am a-okay with where I am in my life. I am exactly where I want to be. The grass is not greener somewhere else."  I also said to her that I wasn't worried that I wasn't pursuing anything right now, but maybe I should be worried that I wasn't worried. Because every now and again I think that maybe I should be doing something more, because the kids won't be this age forever and don't I need to look towards the future.  But again, if I am so busy looking towards the future (which I have a habit of doing), I'm going to miss out on some of the awesome things my kids are doing right now.

So does that make me stagnant? Does it make me lazy?  'cause, I'm happy being right here. I do have one massive project that I'm working on, that I'll share sometime. But fortunately, the project is totally on my time and I realize it's going to take me at least a year, if not longer to get it to where I'm happy enough with it to show it to someone else.  So, awesome right?  No pressure for that!

And isn't this what I have been searching for?  To find something that I love doing  and doing it right now?  I have wondered if I'd make a good Mama.  I've had my doubts. I'm not super creative, artsy, or crafty for that matter.  I don't have brilliant ideas of fun things to do with the kids, but we get by. We are busy with playdates, swim lessons, popsicles in the backyard, reading a ton of books and making multiple trips to the library, taking multiple trips for ice cream, school (when it's in session), dance lessons, soccer, spanish class, t-ball, church, volunteer activities, camp, seeing our 16 (almost 17!) cousins, and spending time together.

I'm just a mama trying to be there for her kids. I hope I'm doing a good job with it. There are times when I have my doubts, like when I'm out of patience or feel like I've dropped the ball.  However,  I think that this is where God has always wanted me to be and has been waiting for me to accept it.  It's taken me a while, but I'm embracing it. I'm loving it and I'm enjoying these precious years that have been an amazing gift.  I'm sure it will be too soon where I'm needed elsewhere and will have to pursue a job or more education, but in the meantime, I think I'll enjoy my grass. It's plenty green over here.

My Awesome Full-Time Job x3

 May He grant you your heart's desires and fulfill all of your plans  Psalm 20:4

P.S. I reflected on this same theme just after the birth of our third child. Check it out here: looks like I'm finally comfortable in my role.