The last several days have been hard. It's so easy to say that God is wonderful and exalt Him when things are going well. The true test is when something goes drastically wrong. That is when our faith is tested.
Several days ago we received a horrible phone call from one of my sisters-in-law letting us know that one of our nephews was in the emergency room with a head trauma. That's all we knew for several long hours. We found out that one of our nephews was riding his scooter and flipped over the handlebars while attempting a trick and landed on his head. Due to the quick thinking of his friend, M.'s friend called first his father who in turn found my sister-in-law, a nurse. At first it looked like it was just bumps and bruises, but after several questions she realized it was much more serious and asked a neighbor to call 911. The ambulance took them to a hospital that specializes in traumatic brain injuries (TBI) where my nephew was in the PICU for 4 days. He suffered bleeding on the frontal lobe and small skull fractures in the temporal and frontal lobes. After many CT scans and several debates about whether or not to perform surgery, and much observation they moved him to a regular room and now he is home with his family. He will have to take it easy for the next 6-8 weeks, but the doctor thinks he will return to normal in about 2 months.
My entire family pulled together providing childcare or meals and visiting M. in the hospital. This one of the greatest things about having a big family. Because there are so many of us, we can spread the help and care along while still taking care of our own families. M. is my husband's Godson. M's father is my husband's only brother. My husband went to the hospital the first 3 nights to visit and I was able to go on the fourth day. And of course, other family members came to visit.
This is where my faith is tested. Don't get me wrong. I believe in God and His many blessings. In good times and in bad. However, while I desperately wanted to pray, I couldn't. Unless you count repeating over and over in my head, "Please let M. be okay. Please give J. & M. strength while they care for their son. Please heal M." I couldn't formulate words for a "real" prayer. My head and heart were numb. I was also afraid that God would answer my prayer in a way in which I wasn't prepared. I believe God answers prayers, but I also believe He may answer them in ways that we don't want or expect. So I repeated my words in my head for four days. I begged for prayers from my MOPS group, from FB friends, and friends and family from all over the world. I thanked them for the prayers that I couldn't articulate and for their support.
It sounds awful to me, a lifelong Christian who couldn't pray when a prayer was so desperately needed to be said. Have you ever felt that way? And I guess when I say pray, I mean articulately expressing in words my thoughts and requests instead of rapid murmurings about care, safety, and healing in non-cohesive sentences. Now that it seems the worst is over and my heart has started beating regularly again, I can pray. I can thank God for His blessings and for keeping M. safe. But it seems so little and past the time of need, doesn't it? But I am grateful. I am grateful for the friends who rallied around my sister and brother-in-law. I am grateful for their prayers. And I am once again reminded that God doesn't leave us in the tough times. He did answer our prayers in the way we had hoped and I am grateful.
I'm mulling over my reactions and I'm disappointed in them...but I will admit I was terrified and worried. And I'm sure God could see past my ramblings into my heart, right? He could see that I thought of M. nonstop for the last 5 days. During my visit, I was happy to see for myself M's recovery and road to healing. It helped to slow my heart and to thank God for his many blessings.
Please hug your family today. In the last year I have heard of so much grief from friends and family who have lost someone unexpectedly or have had children gravely injured or sick. I do encourage you to pray even when it's difficult and to ask for the grace to accept the circumstances. Not an easy task. But I will pray for you. Now that I have found my voice again I will pray for you. Peace be with you.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Hanging On
Hats off to all of the single parents out there. I only have to do it temporarily and only every few months. However, when I do it, I am exhausted! Most nights after the kids are in bed, I find myself face down on my bed trying to find the willpower to get up from my 2 minute "let's sit down and rest" so I can finish putting away the dinner dishes, feed the cats, lock up the house, prepare everything for the activities for the next day, and pop up in a moment's notice when one of my doodlebugs startles in the middle of the night and needs me. There doesn't seem to be a down time.
Hubby is working on a big project that will take him in and out of town over the next few months. The thing with his job is sometimes he doesn't know when he's headed out and I'll find out a few days ahead of time with an, "Oh, Babe, I gotta travel in a few days and it will be for x amount of time." We did really well last February. We knew it was happening, we knew he'd be gone for a while, and I used all my "waiting" time to prep myself mentally and emotionally. With the help of technology and lots of "Face Time" thanks to last year's anniversary presents of iphones for each of us, the kids and I were able to see Hubby often enough to make things easier.
This time around has been a little tougher. I think that the timing isn't the greatest (but when is it ever great?). The beginning of the school year, the beginning of new extracurriculars, and new schedules have made this season's traveling a bit harder. We weren't set in our school routine when Hubby had to start traveling, so Boogie has been taking it especially hard. My heart broke a little when I overheard him tell Hubby, "I tried to fall asleep in your bed when Mommy was downstairs. I even tried to sleep on your side of the bed, but it didn't help. I still missed you a lot, so I went back to my own bed." The little kids seems to be doing okay with it. Buggy knows that this is just the way it goes and keeps telling Daddy to "have a good time and I miss you!" and Mr. Bananas goes with the flow because he doesn't know any better. But, man, my Boogie Monster is having a rough time. He's super bouncy. He's antagonizing his sister more than usual and having a harder time following directions.
Me? I'm more exhausted than ever. I'm keeping busy by training for next month's running festival. Running let's me forget how tough it can be sometimes. I think I'm also trying to run myself into exhaustion so that I'll sleep better at night, but that's not working. Not getting enough sleep coupled with intense work outs are leaving me drained and a little cranky. Not a good combo.
But day by day and week by week we'll get by. We're settling into school routines and by the end of the week each of the kids will be scheduled into their extracurriculars. Buggy and Bananas are taking gymnastics this Fall and Boogie is signed up for soccer. Gymnastics started last week and soccer will begin this Saturday. I think regular classes/practices will keep us busy and we'll settle into an overall life routine for the school year.
I'm very grateful for the offers of help from various friends. However, I think my strategy will be to hold on tight and keep on runnin'. Oh, and prayers for patience. Lots and lots of patience!
And just as it says in Proverbs 31, her husband has confidence in her (I just wish I had a little more in myself)...she works with eager hands (well mostly eager)... she gets up while it's still night (did I actually ever fall asleep???)...she sets about her work vigorously (keeping busy is my motto)...her arms are strong for the task (and for lots of hugs for my sweet kids who need a little more TLC)...
Here's to praying for a little less discombobulation and a little more strength and patience.
Hubby is working on a big project that will take him in and out of town over the next few months. The thing with his job is sometimes he doesn't know when he's headed out and I'll find out a few days ahead of time with an, "Oh, Babe, I gotta travel in a few days and it will be for x amount of time." We did really well last February. We knew it was happening, we knew he'd be gone for a while, and I used all my "waiting" time to prep myself mentally and emotionally. With the help of technology and lots of "Face Time" thanks to last year's anniversary presents of iphones for each of us, the kids and I were able to see Hubby often enough to make things easier.
This time around has been a little tougher. I think that the timing isn't the greatest (but when is it ever great?). The beginning of the school year, the beginning of new extracurriculars, and new schedules have made this season's traveling a bit harder. We weren't set in our school routine when Hubby had to start traveling, so Boogie has been taking it especially hard. My heart broke a little when I overheard him tell Hubby, "I tried to fall asleep in your bed when Mommy was downstairs. I even tried to sleep on your side of the bed, but it didn't help. I still missed you a lot, so I went back to my own bed." The little kids seems to be doing okay with it. Buggy knows that this is just the way it goes and keeps telling Daddy to "have a good time and I miss you!" and Mr. Bananas goes with the flow because he doesn't know any better. But, man, my Boogie Monster is having a rough time. He's super bouncy. He's antagonizing his sister more than usual and having a harder time following directions.
Me? I'm more exhausted than ever. I'm keeping busy by training for next month's running festival. Running let's me forget how tough it can be sometimes. I think I'm also trying to run myself into exhaustion so that I'll sleep better at night, but that's not working. Not getting enough sleep coupled with intense work outs are leaving me drained and a little cranky. Not a good combo.
But day by day and week by week we'll get by. We're settling into school routines and by the end of the week each of the kids will be scheduled into their extracurriculars. Buggy and Bananas are taking gymnastics this Fall and Boogie is signed up for soccer. Gymnastics started last week and soccer will begin this Saturday. I think regular classes/practices will keep us busy and we'll settle into an overall life routine for the school year.
I'm very grateful for the offers of help from various friends. However, I think my strategy will be to hold on tight and keep on runnin'. Oh, and prayers for patience. Lots and lots of patience!
And just as it says in Proverbs 31, her husband has confidence in her (I just wish I had a little more in myself)...she works with eager hands (well mostly eager)... she gets up while it's still night (did I actually ever fall asleep???)...she sets about her work vigorously (keeping busy is my motto)...her arms are strong for the task (and for lots of hugs for my sweet kids who need a little more TLC)...
Here's to praying for a little less discombobulation and a little more strength and patience.
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| Our early bird squeezed in one more snuggle and one more story before Daddy left for his business trip |
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Lenten Soup Supper
During the Lenten Season our parish organizes Friday Soup Suppers. For the last few years we have attended the Family Soup Supper. Monsignor makes yummy soup for the families, meets with the kids to discuss the importance and reason behind Lent, and then we all meet in the Church for a kid-friendly version of the Stations of the Cross. It is one of my favorite traditions.
This year, Boogie spoke up and answered questions. When Monsignor asked what Boogie was doing for Lent he said, "I gave up tv and video games. And my mommy is making baby blankets for the pregnancy center." I looked up startled and my husband and I smiled at each other. #1 Boogie knew that this was a time for us to give up something and #2, he noticed that I was making something for the pregnancy centers and thought to mention it. I was really touched and humbled by my little man.
Buggy answered questions, too. Gathering her courage after seeing her brother stand up and share what she was doing during Lent. Even the littlest in the trio sat on the outskirts of the group and raised his hand. Even though he couldn't articulate anything about Lent, he was there ready to participate.
I am truly humbled by my children. They have given up their favorite pastime of watching television without complaint. And they have obviously been paying attention. Whenever Buggy asks me to whom I am giving my latest blanket project, I always reply, "To a baby who needs it."
While I love making blankets for the many friends who are having or have had babies recently, I am woefully behind. I dedicated Lent to a time of making for those who need it more and hope to catch up with my friends soon. In the meantime I will pray for the baby who receive my latest creation and learn from my children. I am humbled.
Matthew 19:14
This year, Boogie spoke up and answered questions. When Monsignor asked what Boogie was doing for Lent he said, "I gave up tv and video games. And my mommy is making baby blankets for the pregnancy center." I looked up startled and my husband and I smiled at each other. #1 Boogie knew that this was a time for us to give up something and #2, he noticed that I was making something for the pregnancy centers and thought to mention it. I was really touched and humbled by my little man.
Buggy answered questions, too. Gathering her courage after seeing her brother stand up and share what she was doing during Lent. Even the littlest in the trio sat on the outskirts of the group and raised his hand. Even though he couldn't articulate anything about Lent, he was there ready to participate.
I am truly humbled by my children. They have given up their favorite pastime of watching television without complaint. And they have obviously been paying attention. Whenever Buggy asks me to whom I am giving my latest blanket project, I always reply, "To a baby who needs it."
While I love making blankets for the many friends who are having or have had babies recently, I am woefully behind. I dedicated Lent to a time of making for those who need it more and hope to catch up with my friends soon. In the meantime I will pray for the baby who receive my latest creation and learn from my children. I am humbled.
Matthew 19:14
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Friday, February 24, 2012
Lent
It's the Lenten season once again and this year we are having the kids participate more in the Lenten practices than in years past. Boogs is finally at the age where he starting to understand what it's all about. Buggy goes with the flow, and well, Mr. Bananas, he's just along for the ride.
On Ash Wednesday you are supposed to fast. Though a Catholic fast is two small meals and one regular sized meal (usually dinner). I grew up with Protestant fasting which is no food (but I think you can have water). You would think that I should be able to fast, but no. I'm a wimp. I'm an absolute bear when it comes to fasting and in our almost 11 years of marriage I think my husband cringes when he thinks about me fasting because it's certainly no picnic for him when I'm cranky. Also, for the last 6-7 years I have either been pregnant or nursing a baby and I just didn't think fasting was going to go over well for me or the baby. This year, however, I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for it.
I found fasting this year much easier, but I think it's because I was already accustomed to taking in fewer calories in order to lose the baby weight. And I made it a priority to stick with it. So hurrah! Fasting was easier. I was a little cranky at lunch time, but managed to hang in there.
This year as a family we decided to give up television. Even the kids are on board with this. It took Buggy a few days to understand that we weren't going to watch t.v. at all. But it's day 3 and she hasn't asked about it today. Boogs tried to convince me that learning shows were okay, but nope, no t.v. And on his own he decided to give up video games. He doesn't play them all that often, but I'm touched that he realizes it's a luxury. When I told him that also meant no Leapster games, he said, "That's okay, Mommy. I can handle it." I was really, really proud of him.
I'm really looking forward to this time. I wonder how much more productive I'll be without the distraction of t.v. I'm looking forward to accomplishing more and spending more time as a family playing games, listening to audiobooks, and having more quality time together.
I've also decided to do a spending fast. I'm finding that I have been looking through catalogs, online ads, and Facebook ads and thinking about what I want. Not what I need, but what I want. I realize that I'm finding it all too easy to say, "Oh, look, that's a great price, I should get that." "Or that's really cute, I'd like that." Whether or not I actually need those items. So, here's to throwing out my catalogs and deleting advertisements from inbox. Again, I wonder how much more productive I'll be if I'm not lusting after the newest thing or greatest sale.
One of my goals this Lent is also to crochet at least one baby blanket to donate to our Respect Life committee at church or pregnancy center. I hope that with all this extra time away from the t.v., I'll have time to make something for someone else. It will help me to reflect about what is important in our lives right now and to be grateful for what I have. I hope also to spend this time in mediation and prayer.
So, for the first time, I'm looking forward to this time of preparation for Easter. Instead of looking at it with dread and as an obligation, I'm looking at it as an opportunity. An opportunity to better myself, 'cause Lord knows I'm not perfect! An opportunity to share with my children our faith and to help them better understand what we believe and why we believe. An opportunity to give to others. An opportunity to spend more time with husband that doesn't include being couch potatoes in front of the television.
I hope to do with a willing and happy heart. Not always easy. I hope to do this day by day and step by step.
Wishing all of you a peaceful Lenten season. Peace.
On Ash Wednesday you are supposed to fast. Though a Catholic fast is two small meals and one regular sized meal (usually dinner). I grew up with Protestant fasting which is no food (but I think you can have water). You would think that I should be able to fast, but no. I'm a wimp. I'm an absolute bear when it comes to fasting and in our almost 11 years of marriage I think my husband cringes when he thinks about me fasting because it's certainly no picnic for him when I'm cranky. Also, for the last 6-7 years I have either been pregnant or nursing a baby and I just didn't think fasting was going to go over well for me or the baby. This year, however, I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for it.
I found fasting this year much easier, but I think it's because I was already accustomed to taking in fewer calories in order to lose the baby weight. And I made it a priority to stick with it. So hurrah! Fasting was easier. I was a little cranky at lunch time, but managed to hang in there.
This year as a family we decided to give up television. Even the kids are on board with this. It took Buggy a few days to understand that we weren't going to watch t.v. at all. But it's day 3 and she hasn't asked about it today. Boogs tried to convince me that learning shows were okay, but nope, no t.v. And on his own he decided to give up video games. He doesn't play them all that often, but I'm touched that he realizes it's a luxury. When I told him that also meant no Leapster games, he said, "That's okay, Mommy. I can handle it." I was really, really proud of him.
I'm really looking forward to this time. I wonder how much more productive I'll be without the distraction of t.v. I'm looking forward to accomplishing more and spending more time as a family playing games, listening to audiobooks, and having more quality time together.
I've also decided to do a spending fast. I'm finding that I have been looking through catalogs, online ads, and Facebook ads and thinking about what I want. Not what I need, but what I want. I realize that I'm finding it all too easy to say, "Oh, look, that's a great price, I should get that." "Or that's really cute, I'd like that." Whether or not I actually need those items. So, here's to throwing out my catalogs and deleting advertisements from inbox. Again, I wonder how much more productive I'll be if I'm not lusting after the newest thing or greatest sale.
One of my goals this Lent is also to crochet at least one baby blanket to donate to our Respect Life committee at church or pregnancy center. I hope that with all this extra time away from the t.v., I'll have time to make something for someone else. It will help me to reflect about what is important in our lives right now and to be grateful for what I have. I hope also to spend this time in mediation and prayer.
So, for the first time, I'm looking forward to this time of preparation for Easter. Instead of looking at it with dread and as an obligation, I'm looking at it as an opportunity. An opportunity to better myself, 'cause Lord knows I'm not perfect! An opportunity to share with my children our faith and to help them better understand what we believe and why we believe. An opportunity to give to others. An opportunity to spend more time with husband that doesn't include being couch potatoes in front of the television.
I hope to do with a willing and happy heart. Not always easy. I hope to do this day by day and step by step.
Wishing all of you a peaceful Lenten season. Peace.
"“And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Matthew 6:16-18 ESV
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