God's Providence

Have you ever been struck with the sense that something needs to change and you're not sure if it's the right thing to do?  My daughter is currently enrolled in a preschool that we loved when my son went there.  We were very happy with the 3 year old program and the 4 year old program.  My son came home sharing Bible stories and singing songs.  To this day he fondly remembers his preschool teachers and how they are allowed to teach about God.  Buggy has a late birthday so all of last year while Boogie was in kindergarten, Buggy stayed home with me. This year she was able to attend preschool and she has loved it and her teachers.

After the Sandy Hook tragedy Bug's preschool placed a full-time police officer in the front lobby and we had to be diligent with showing our laminated cards with our child's name in order to enter the building. I thought it was a little extreme, but it was put in place after Sandy Hook, so we just went with the flow. Rather be safe than sorry. However, in my humble opinion I thought the administration and staff at Sandy Hook had done everything they could have possibly done to make their school safe and it was a bizarre and tragic event that took hold of their school.  That was in the back of my mind as our school began to make changes.

Time went on and pre-registration came up. The school had a new system that was online with little explanation. Knowing that the preschool is very popular and can be difficult to get in, I panicked and had my husband do the registration from work since  registration opened when I would be in the middle of getting my kids ready for school.  My husband diligently spent quite a while on the phone and with the online registration to finally get Buggy enrolled. I was annoyed with the new process, but figured it would be worth it.

Then not a few weeks later rumors started to swirl around that Buggy's current teacher would no longer be teaching. The question was, is she retiring? Then we found out the 4's teacher was not returning.  What's going on?  But nothing was out publicly and no word had been said, but parents started to become anxious.  More rumors spread that the 3's teacher was leaving to start another preschool (she had founded Buggy's preschool and been there more than 20 years) and that the school did not want us to know before registration although the teacher wanted us to know. Hmmmmm. Okay, I understand why the school didn't want to risk losing enrollment. People line up to have Mrs. E. be their child's teacher.  But I thought it was a little shady.

Later we found out that indeed our beloved teacher was leaving and she was leaving to start another preschool program elsewhere.  Our beloved 4's teacher was leaving as her husband had found a new job and they were moving. Two wonderful teachers leaving at the same time. We were blown away. Hubby and I started talking about switching schools to another program that would fit our schedule better. As it stood now, I was having trouble getting Buggy to school on time because I had to drop off Boogie first at his school.  The new preschool also had a two year old program so if we wanted to, we could enroll Mr. Bananas in school. I know he would LOVE it.  As we contemplated the switch we found out Buggy's new teacher in the 4's program would be her current teacher's aide and that was good news. But I still felt unsettled. Another two weeks passed and the school went into a code blue, kids were locked in their classrooms and preschoolers could not be dismissed. We found out later that a high school student had left his backpack with a homemade musical instrument in the senior high worship center over night.  The police officer on duty had noticed the bag and no one had stepped up to claim it, no one knew who it belonged to, and they couldn't identify the musical instrument. Next steps were taken and the bomb squad was called in, the backpack was blown up, and fortunately it ended up being a mistake. It was not a bomb, just a homemade instrument. However, the school is now instituting random locker checks and backpack searches. The school is preK-8th grade. These turn of events left me more unsettled.

 I worried and Hubby and I continued to talk. Long story short, I ended up calling the new preschool at 7pm on a Monday night hoping an answering machine would pick up my call. To my disbelief the director of the school answered the phone. I was so shocked I think I asked her if she was real. She assured me she was and we spoke over the next half hour about her school's program and set up a tour date. She even scheduled it early in the morning so that Hubby could make it to work at a decent time.  Before we hung up I told her that I was surprised she answered my call and I didn't think that preschool directors were still working at 7:00 at night. She answered, "I usually don't. I had a meeting tonight and came in early to do some paperwork. I think this was God's providence that I was here when you needed me. I look forward to seeing you." Well if that didn't seal the deal, I don't know what else could have...oh wait, how about the Protestant school had decided to do a lesson on Mary, mother of God, for Mother's Day. That usually doesn't happen in a Protestant school, and I was thrilled that there was a focus on the mother of our savior.  Jesus is usually the focus, but I think Mary should get a shout out every now and again. I mean really, she is the first disciple and said, "Yes" to God.

Anyway, we went to the school, took the tour and we really liked the director. Hubby asked her if it was true that she was retiring at the end of the year. She confirmed it. We asked her if she knew the new director and she said yes but she wasn't at liberty to share the information yet.  We asked if the integrity of the program would stay intact. She was the founding director of this preschool. She assured us it would be. We decided to enroll Buggy anyway and leave it up to God. The very human side of me still worried, but at the same time Hubby and I felt that this was the right decision for us and for our family.  We were concerned about Bananas not having Mrs. E. when his turn came but we would rely on God for next steps. We left the new preschool thinking we made the right decision, but of course feeling slightly uneasy being out of our comfort zone.

Wouldn't you know that I received an amazing email this morning, less than a week from enrolling Buggy for next year at the new school.  The director of our religious education program at our parish was stepping down because she was presented with a new opportunity to become a director at a local preschool. Guess where? Yes! She was the new director at Buggy's new school. God is so good!  It is amazing to me when I hear God's answer to prayer and it is definite. There is no guessing game. It is an absolute answer one way or another. God answered my prayers, took away my anxiety, and confirmed through the new director's email, that Buggy is where she is supposed to be next year. What a blessing and a huge weight off our shoulders. Hubby and I could not be more thrilled with the turn of events.

We just felt that our current school was no longer the right fit for us and we hesitantly moved out of our comfort zone. We prayed, I worried, and desperately tried to let God take over the situation. Letting go has always been hard for me. God has shown me over the years, in more ways than I can count, that He is in charge. This time was no different. We are so blessed and we look forward to next Fall filled with joy and relief.

As my babies grow up and begin school, the thought of what I will do next looms over me. Do I go back to work? What do I do? What opportunity will present itself?  Can I stay home?  Should I stay home while the kids are in school?  All of this nibbles away at me while I try to let go and let God take over.  However, this most recent blessing reminds me, very loudly and very clearly, that God has a plan for me and that I should not worry. It will present itself when the time comes. Just as I knew 5 years ago that I should stay home full-time with my children.  God will let me know when He is ready to use me again and how I will serve Him and my family. God is so good.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27 NIV

Answered Prayers

The last several days have been hard. It's so easy to say that God is wonderful and exalt Him when things are going well. The true test is when something goes drastically wrong.  That is when our faith is tested.

Several days ago we received a horrible phone call from one of my sisters-in-law letting us know that one of our nephews was in the emergency room with a head trauma. That's all we knew for several long hours.  We found out that one of our nephews was riding his scooter and flipped over the handlebars while attempting a trick and landed on his head.  Due to the quick thinking of his friend, M.'s friend called first his father who in turn found my sister-in-law, a nurse.  At first it looked like it was just bumps and bruises, but after several questions she realized it was much more serious and asked a neighbor to call 911.  The ambulance took them to a hospital that specializes in traumatic brain injuries (TBI) where my nephew was in the PICU for 4 days.  He suffered bleeding on the frontal lobe and small skull fractures in the temporal and frontal lobes.  After many CT scans and several debates about whether or not to perform surgery, and much observation they moved him to a regular room and now he is home with his family.  He will have to take it easy for the next 6-8 weeks, but the doctor thinks he will return to normal in about 2 months.

My entire family pulled together providing childcare or meals and visiting M. in the hospital. This one of the greatest things about having a big family. Because there are so many of us, we can spread the help and care along while still taking care of our own families.  M. is my husband's Godson. M's father is my husband's only brother.  My husband went to the hospital the first 3 nights to visit and I was able to go on the fourth day.  And of course, other family members came to visit.

This is where my faith is tested. Don't get me wrong. I believe in God and His many blessings.  In good times and in bad. However, while I desperately wanted to pray, I couldn't. Unless you count repeating over and over in my head, "Please let M. be okay. Please give J. & M. strength while they care for their son. Please heal M."  I couldn't formulate words for a "real" prayer. My head and heart were numb.  I was also afraid that God would answer my prayer in a way in which I wasn't prepared.  I believe God answers prayers, but I also believe He may answer them in ways that we don't want or expect.  So I repeated my words in my head for four days.  I begged for prayers from my MOPS group, from FB friends, and friends and family from all over the world.  I thanked them for the prayers that I couldn't articulate and for their support.

It sounds awful to me, a lifelong Christian who couldn't pray when a prayer was so desperately needed to be said.  Have you ever felt that way? And I guess when I say pray, I mean articulately expressing in words my thoughts and requests instead of rapid murmurings about care, safety, and healing in non-cohesive sentences.  Now that it seems the worst is over and my heart has started beating regularly again, I can pray. I can thank God for His blessings and for keeping M. safe.  But it seems so little and past the time of need, doesn't it?  But I am grateful. I am grateful for the friends who rallied around my sister and brother-in-law. I am grateful for their prayers. And I am once again reminded that God doesn't leave us in the tough times. He did answer our prayers in the way we had hoped and I am grateful.

I'm mulling over my reactions and I'm disappointed in them...but I will admit I was terrified and worried. And I'm sure God could see past my ramblings into my heart, right? He could see that I thought of M. nonstop for the last 5 days. During my visit, I was happy to see for myself M's recovery and road to healing. It helped to slow my heart and to thank God for his many blessings.

Please hug your family today. In the last year I have heard of so much grief from friends and family who  have lost someone unexpectedly or have had children gravely injured or sick. I do encourage you to pray even when it's difficult and to ask for the grace to accept the circumstances.  Not an easy task.  But I will pray for you. Now that I have found my voice again I will pray for you. Peace be with you.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Hanging On

Hats off to all of the single parents out there. I only have to do it temporarily and only every few months. However, when I do it, I am exhausted!  Most nights after the kids are in bed, I find myself face down on my bed trying to find the willpower to get up from my 2 minute "let's sit down and rest" so I can finish putting away the dinner dishes, feed the cats, lock up the house, prepare everything for the activities for the next day, and pop up in a moment's notice when one of my doodlebugs startles in the middle of the night and needs me. There doesn't seem to be a down time.

Hubby is working on a big project that will take him in and out of town over the next few months. The thing with his job is sometimes he doesn't know when he's headed out and I'll find out a few days ahead of time with an, "Oh, Babe, I gotta travel in a few days and it will be for x amount of time."  We did really well last February. We knew it was happening, we knew he'd be gone for a while, and I used all my "waiting" time to prep myself mentally and emotionally.  With the help of technology and lots of "Face Time" thanks to last year's anniversary presents of iphones for each of us, the kids and I were able to see Hubby often enough to make things easier.

This time around has been a little tougher. I think that the timing isn't the greatest (but when is it ever great?). The beginning of the school year, the beginning of new extracurriculars, and new schedules have made this season's traveling a bit harder. We weren't set in our school routine when Hubby had to start traveling, so Boogie has been taking it especially hard. My heart broke a little when I overheard him tell Hubby, "I tried to fall asleep in your bed when Mommy was downstairs. I even tried to sleep on your side of the bed, but it didn't help. I still missed you a lot, so I went back to my own bed."  The little kids seems to be doing okay with it. Buggy knows that this is just the way it goes and keeps telling Daddy to "have a good time and I miss you!" and Mr. Bananas goes with the flow because he doesn't know any better. But, man, my Boogie Monster is having a rough time.  He's super bouncy. He's antagonizing his sister more than usual and having a harder time following directions.

Me? I'm more exhausted than ever. I'm keeping busy by training for next month's running festival.  Running let's me forget how tough it can be sometimes.  I think I'm also trying to run myself into exhaustion so that I'll sleep better at night, but that's not working. Not getting enough sleep coupled with intense work outs are leaving me drained and a little cranky. Not a good combo.

But day by day and week by week we'll get by. We're settling into school routines and by the end of the week each of the kids will be scheduled into their extracurriculars. Buggy and Bananas are taking gymnastics this Fall and Boogie is signed up for soccer. Gymnastics started last week and soccer will begin this Saturday. I think regular classes/practices will keep us busy and we'll settle into an overall life routine for the school year.

I'm very grateful for the offers of help from various friends. However, I think my strategy will be to hold on tight and keep on runnin'. Oh, and prayers for patience. Lots and lots of patience!

And just as it says in Proverbs 31, her husband has confidence in her (I just wish I had a little more in myself)...she works with eager hands (well mostly eager)... she gets up while it's still night (did I actually ever fall asleep???)...she sets about her work vigorously (keeping busy is my motto)...her arms are strong for the task (and for lots of hugs for my sweet kids who need a little more TLC)...

Here's to praying for a little less discombobulation and a little more strength and patience.

Our early bird squeezed in one more snuggle and one more story before Daddy left for his business trip

So Wanted

A year ago I was celebrating Labor Day with my side of the family when my husband and I made an unexpected trip to Urgent Care.  I was 3 1/2 months pregnant.  After being seen, I was told that I may very well lose the baby that I was carrying.  I was given the signs to look for in case of a miscarriage, placed on immediate bed rest,  and told to call my OB in the morning.  I was terrified. So was my husband. As we waited to be seen I had texted my prayer warriors. I knew that these ladies would do nothing but pray, send loving thoughts, and check in on me. Exactly what I needed.  They sent back lots of loving words while we waited.

I remember coming home and talking with my husband about how I was praying for grace to give in to God's calling.  If I was meant to have this baby, He would make it happen. If not, I prayed for the grace to let this baby go.  It was a difficult choice. I had wanted this baby so much before conception.  Having Bug made me realize that I could handle more children and I desperately wanted another one to round out our lives.

So as each day passed in my pregnancy, my husband and I rejoiced in another day closer to full-term.  It came to be that we were blessed with Mr. Bananas. I was also blessed with the love and support of family and friends who stuck by me 100% of the way. A year after I thought I was going to lose my precious baby I was taking him with me to celebrate the birthdays of our beloved extended family.  Praise God!

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above...