Lenten Journey

Good Friday is a day of contemplation, reflection, and fasting. I still think of myself as someone who is still fairly new to her faith. This Easter I am will be celebrating my 13th birthday in the Church but I am still learning and still growing in my faith. It is definitely a journey and not always an easy one. I am often convicted and then filled with grace as I listen to the homily and receive the Eucharist. There are times I leave Mass full of reflection and conviction and I strive to do better throughout the week: To love more, to forgive more easily, to be more patient, to live as an example of Jesus’ love, grace, and mercy. I am a sinner and while I do my best to live a good life filled with love and charity I make mistakes. I judge, do not easily forgive others, and I am not as patient as I should be with others. 

With that being said, I find that Lent gives me time for introspection, contemplation, reflection, and being open to grace. I have the hardest time with fasting. When people think of Lent they often think of giving up sweets and chocolate. And while that is how I initially started my journey 13 years ago starting with the “easier” things to give up, I have learned that fasting is not just giving up the sweet things it also means fasting from things that me less of the type of person I want to be. About 5 years ago we started fasting from television during Lent. It was really hard for me. I love television and the mental break it gives me from reality. But I found that my kids and I were too invested in the characters on the screen versus the people in real life. So we gave up television for Lent. It was hard the first time and has become easier each year. This year even the littlest one knew that we were giving up television and asked if we could play in the basement away from the tv on the first day of Lent because the temptation of asking to turn on the television would be too much. We spent a couple of hours in the basement. While I crocheted she played with her doll house and dollies making up stories for them. Giving up sweets and television are very tangible ways to practice fasting. 

 But there are the others ways to abstain and they are not as easy for me. I am also learning to abstain from judgmental thoughts and an unwillingness to forgive easily. I still struggle with fasting from social media, but I am learning that I need to give that one up more regularly. Too often I compare myself to others and lament my own inadequacies in my parenting journey. That is not a healthy place to be because most people only post the good things they want people to see. Other people post only the negative things that are affecting us. There needs to be a balance and I do not often see it on Facebook. There are a few pages that give me peace, grace, and balance and I try to stick with those. And can I say that #Catholictwitter has been kind of amazing this Lenten season? I started following priests, brothers, and nuns on Twitter. I almost never post on Twitter, but I have become enriched and more reflective by reading their tweets, especially during Holy Week. But they are not always so serious. They find humor in their chosen vocation. Knowing that they are not always serious, makes my own faith journey a little easier: To know that I can be silly and devout, to know that I can still hold onto my beliefs while loving others, to be forgiven when I sin. It’s a beautiful and sometimes arduous journey. 

This brings me back to today: Good Friday. A day in years past that was really difficult for me because I like food, I like sweets, I like being comfortable and Good Friday takes away all of that. It is in the uncomfortable that I find my true self and it’s not pretty. I am not a nice person when I am hangry and focused on hunger and food. I am not as patient and forgiving. I do not want to be contemplative and reflective. I want to eat. I want to feel comfortable. And I want my kids to fall in line. But I have learned over the years to offer it up. My kids will often hear me mutter to myself during Lent, “Just offer it up. OFFER.IT.UP.” It’s a little silly, but oh so true. Saying it aloud makes me try just a little bit harder. And also, my kids see Mama struggles sometime, but she tries and I think that’s a good example to give them. We are not perfect creatures and showing our children our own vulnerability will hopefully make them more open to understanding their mistakes, asking for forgiveness, and sometimes just offering up their struggles to Jesus because we need a little divine help in getting through this journey. 

Jesus sacrificed his life for ours so that we can have eternal salvation. It puts things in perspective for me. It makes me feel rather petty and small to be worried about my own comfort. And now, I look forward to these times of forced discomfort. Because let’s be real, sometimes we do not do things unless forced. And Lent and Good Friday is a good time to do things out of my comfort zone. It is a set time in my life to be more focused on what the kind of person I want to be for myself and for others. I’m not saying I can’t do this all year long, but as time goes by, I start to fall in my old habits and Lent becomes a time of growth and renewal. 

What does it mean to be "Light of the World"

Today I was reminded of my faith journey. Not only because of Good Friday, but because of the family faith lesson I did with my son on his journey to receive his first Eucharist. Today the lesson was “Be the Light!” My son and I read several instances in the Gospels where Jesus showed mercy and love to everyone, even to the ones that others thought were undeserving. My son was asked to list some ways he can be like Jesus and while he filled out his sheet, I thought brought back to my own thoughts of how I can live like a light into the world.

I have also started to look forward to attending the Stations of the Cross during Lent. Each time I attend I find something that speaks to me. Today it was Station 9 when Jesus falls the third time. The leader prayed from the booklet we use: The Way of the Cross,” …Almighty and eternal God, you permitted your Son to be weakened, crushed, and profaned so that He might rise from the dead freed from the ravages of sin. Help us to accept our weaknesses and failings as forerunners of our glorious resurrection in union with your Son.” Asking for help to accept our weaknesses and failings made me think of a recent story I shared about how I am learning to accept my mistakes and perceived failures and learning to recalculate when situations do not go as expected. Asking for help is powerful when facing trouble. 

There was a time I dreaded Lent and Good Friday and now I look forward to it. I look forward to this time where I can be introspective and learn not only to receive grace but also to give grace when I rather not.

As we turn the corner towards Easter how can I pray for you? How can we each be examples of God’s love and mercy especially in a time of political and social discord? How can we be a light unto one another when the rest of the world seems so negative. I wish you peace at this time. Please pray for me as we come to the end of our Lenten journey this year and that I may continue my journey towards peace, grace, and mercy. Peace be with you.

Lenten Soup Supper

During the Lenten Season our parish organizes Friday Soup Suppers. For the last few years we have attended the Family Soup Supper. Monsignor makes yummy soup for the families, meets with the kids to discuss the importance and reason behind Lent, and then we all meet in the Church for a kid-friendly version of the Stations of the Cross. It is one of my favorite traditions.

This year, Boogie spoke up and answered questions.  When Monsignor asked what Boogie was doing for Lent he said, "I gave up tv and video games. And my mommy is making baby blankets for the pregnancy center."  I looked up startled and my husband and I smiled at each other.  #1 Boogie knew that this was a time for us to give up something and #2, he noticed that I was making something for the pregnancy centers and thought to mention it. I was really touched and humbled by my little man.

Buggy answered questions, too. Gathering her courage after seeing her brother stand up and share what she was doing during Lent. Even the littlest in the trio sat on the outskirts of the group and raised his hand.  Even though he couldn't articulate anything about Lent, he was there ready to participate.

I am truly humbled by my children.  They have given up their favorite pastime of watching television without complaint. And they have obviously been paying attention. Whenever Buggy asks me to whom I am giving my latest blanket project, I always reply, "To a baby who needs it."

While I love making blankets for the many friends who are having or have had babies recently, I am woefully behind. I dedicated Lent to a time of making for those who need it more and hope to catch up with my friends soon.  In the meantime I will pray for the baby who receive my latest creation and learn from my children. I am humbled.

Matthew 19:14

But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

My littlest man raising his hand to share his Lenten promises with Monsignor. Buggy is 3rd from the end with Boogie, in all orange, is on her right. They are listening to Monsignor

Earmuffs

My family and I gave up television this Lenten Season. We don't miss it, not even a little bit. It makes me wonder if we should cancel our satellite services and maybe give up the tv altogether.  The kids have been fantastic about it and I'm so proud of them!

I wish I could say that I was able to get more things done since I haven't been watching tv, but it's hard to say. Something new crops up every day and my "to do" list keeps getting longer...*sigh* I don't think I'll every truly catch up, but I'll always try!

One of the things I hate about tv is all of the commercials, especially the scary ones. Usually there's an ad for a new movie that my kids can't watch, but the ad shows up during a football game or some other thing that we're watching. A friend of ours has trained his kids to put their hands over their ears and to squeeze their eyes shut until the inappropriate commercial is over. He calls out "earmuffs!" and the kids do this until he gives the kids the all clear.

When we watch tv, that's what we started having our kids do.  Here is a picture of Buggy doing her earmuffs routine:

Since we haven't watched tv, we haven't had to do this in a while...maybe the tv will just have to stay off!

Lent

It's the Lenten season once again and this year we are having the kids participate more in the Lenten practices than in years past. Boogs is finally at the age where he starting to understand what it's all about.  Buggy goes with the flow, and well, Mr. Bananas, he's just along for the ride.

On Ash Wednesday you are supposed to fast. Though a Catholic fast is two small meals and one regular sized meal (usually dinner). I grew up with Protestant fasting which is no food (but I think you can have water).  You would think that I should be able to fast, but no. I'm a wimp. I'm an absolute bear when it comes to fasting and in our almost 11 years of marriage I think my husband cringes when he thinks about me fasting because it's certainly no picnic for him when I'm cranky.  Also, for the last 6-7 years I have either been pregnant or nursing a baby and I just didn't think fasting was going to go over well for me or the baby.  This year, however, I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for it.

I found fasting this year much easier, but I think it's because I was already accustomed to taking in fewer calories in order to lose the baby weight. And I made it a priority to stick with it.  So hurrah! Fasting was easier. I was a little cranky at lunch time, but managed to hang in there.

This year as a family we decided to give up television.  Even the kids are on board with this. It took Buggy a few days to understand that we weren't going to watch t.v. at all. But it's day 3 and she hasn't asked about it today.  Boogs tried to convince me that learning shows were okay, but nope, no t.v. And on his own he decided to give up video games. He doesn't play them all that often, but I'm touched that he realizes it's a luxury. When I told him that also meant no Leapster games, he said, "That's okay, Mommy. I can handle it."  I was really, really proud of him.

 I'm really looking forward to this time. I wonder how much more productive I'll be without the distraction of t.v. I'm looking forward to accomplishing more and spending more time as a family playing games, listening to audiobooks, and having more quality time together.

I've also decided to do a spending fast. I'm finding that I have been looking through catalogs, online ads, and Facebook ads and thinking about what I want. Not what I need, but what I want.  I realize that I'm finding it all too easy to say, "Oh, look, that's a great price, I should get that." "Or that's really cute, I'd like that."  Whether or not I actually need those items. So, here's to throwing out my catalogs and deleting advertisements from inbox. Again, I wonder how much more productive I'll be if I'm not lusting after the newest thing or greatest sale.

One of my goals this Lent is also to crochet at least one baby blanket to donate to our Respect Life committee at church or pregnancy center. I hope that with all this extra time away from the t.v., I'll have time to make something for someone else. It will help me to reflect about what is important in our lives right now and to be grateful for what I have. I hope also to spend this time in mediation and prayer.

So, for the first time, I'm looking forward to this time of preparation for Easter. Instead of looking at it with dread and as an obligation, I'm looking at it as an opportunity. An opportunity to better myself, 'cause Lord knows I'm not perfect! An opportunity to share with my children our faith and to help them better understand what we believe and why we believe. An opportunity to give to others. An opportunity to spend more time with husband that doesn't include being couch potatoes in front of the television.

I hope to do with a willing and happy heart. Not always easy. I hope to do this day by day and step by step.

Wishing all of you a peaceful Lenten season.  Peace.

---

"“And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

Matthew 6:16-18 ESV

Deadlines Pass and Discombobulation Ensues

For the last week I have felt off...by like a week. I have missed deadlines and dates, and I have felt like that I am very much off my A-game.  I'm usually very good at remembering what needs to be done, where we need to be, and pretty much what needs to happen hour by hour. This week, no such luck.

In my post, "Busy Days Ahead" I shared a bit of what my week was going to look like. That was two weeks ago and I think I'm still living in that week.  First of all, I invited friends with preschoolers to join us March 12th for the soup supper our Church was doing specifically for preschoolers. Monsignor was making yummy soup and then speaking to the kids about the meaning of Lent. Then we were going to listen to a child-friendly version of the Stations of the Cross.   For one of the parents, I don't have an e-mail address or FB friend status.  I have her cell phone number but didn't feel like texting all of the information in 160 words or less.  I ended up looking her up on FB and sending her message, because you don't need to be FB friends to do that. (She's the parent of one of my son's classmates in preschool).  Well in writing to her on Wednesday, March 10th I told her about the info. I forgot to include the date and sent another e-mail saying it was for March 12th and how it wasn't THIS week but NEXT week. Well guess what...March 12th was last week.  See? I'm off by a week.

Example #2:  I vaguely remembered that we were sent a letter letting us know that my son was accepted 4 days next year at the local preschool.  Yay! I also vaguely remember that the due date for sending in the paperwork to confirm our acceptance was due relatively soon. How about it was due 2 days after receiving the letter and I just remember yesterday! Again, off by a week. It was due LAST week.  I freaked out because it is freakin' hard to get kids into preschool. There are applications to be filled out , fees to be paid, lotteries to attend to get a good number for getting your first choice or to even get into the school.  I frantically tried to leave a message with the person in charge while our family was doing the 2 hour drive to my Goddaughter's 5th birthday party.  Unfortunately, I couldn't do it from my phone and I ended up sending a midnight e-mail to the person in charge when I got home. Of course she isn't going to check her e-mail on a Sunday, but I still wanted it sent ASAP. I plan on going in first thing Monday morning to drop off the paperwork and pray that I haven't lost my spot.  I'm also praying that because all of the snow we had last month, and knowing that the acceptance letter was two weeks late in arriving, that I'll be given a grace period. I was also surprised that no one called to ask if I really wanted to give up my spot. My husband thinks that the school hasn't finished processing all the paperwork, but he also thought the last lottery hasn't happened yet (which it has...2 weeks ago!). Sigh...

Example #3: Sitting in Church today I realized that we hadn't been in to clean the Church in a while. My family volunteers to clean the Church one Saturday a month.  I had the sneaking suspicion that we were supposed to be there yesterday. So during one of the readings I sneaked a glance at my "organizer" (lot of good that's been doing me this week!) and yes, once again I have missed another date. We were supposed to be cleaning the Church yesterday and we missed it.  It was supposed to be this Saturday, not next! Again, off by a week.

So here I sit in discombobulation. My house looks like it's been hit by a tornado and I should really spend some time straightening, organizing, and spring cleaning.  My calendar is overly full and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I should start re-priortizing, but I feel guilty (see Edvard Munch post to understand where that comes into play). And, none of my clothes fit...the one upside of that is that I need smaller sizes...the downside, I really can't spend a lot of money on a new wardrobe.  Lastly, I just need some sleep! I have been running on empty for, well I guess it's been about a week now.

Lent

Today is a day of fasting, prayer, and penance.  I sit here early in the morning with my head racing in 15 different directions...so fast that I can barely keep from jumping from one thought to the next...hence the "discombobulated" part of Mommy.

The more that I think that I need to take a deep breath and just breathe...my thoughts are going wildly from one thing to the next. You would think that I am anxious or worried, really I'm just trying to plan my day. What I need to do is: stop...breathe...think...breathe...reflect...breathe....  It's hard isn't it, when you are a mommy? Do you ever feel that not only are you the caretaker for your little ones, but of also your spouse? the house? the cruise director for the family? the detail person?  I love my role, but it is also very overwhelming.

Today as we begin Lent it gives me time to reflect.  I find that I spend a lot of time running around in circles and spending way too much time on the internet, particularly Facebook. Why am I so interested in the lives of those around me when I should be more focused on the lives that are under my roof? I am in desperate need to take some time to spend with me, just me, before the kids wake up and begin our day, and before the hubby comes home from work.  I rarely get to reflect where I am in life and who I want to be. I feel like I'm always focused on something else. This Lent I am going to take the time that I usually use on Facebook and spend it in prayer and quiet reflection.  I think that in order to be a better Mommy to my two beautiful kids and wonderful husband, I need to spend some time working on myself.  Be the kind of person I want to be. If I can take some quiet time before the house wakes up and hustle and bustle begins, I might find that I will have more patience throughout the day.  I might stop looking at other people's statuses and comparing myself to my friends.

Some things that I want to work on during Lent (this is not a "hey, look at me") but more of, this is my reflective blog as a mommy and getting my thoughts on virtual paper, written for me so that I can go back and reflect in 40 days.

--Spend time with The Little Black Book: Six-minute meditations on the Passion of Mark
--Spending time with a devotional for moms
--Prayer
--Fasting (one day a week) and spend more time in prayer
--making a blanket for a pregnancy center (the current one has taken me 4 months and I'm still just finishing it up...I'll give my self a break and work on the new one, knowing this will be a belated gift.)
--blog (this is so cathartic for me and helps to get my thoughts in order. It will also help me to be more reflective.)

Lent is a time of Fasting--Praying--Almsgiving.  Too often I have heard, "I'm giving up chocolate" or "I'm giving up soda" for Lent. I'll admit that giving up chocolate, in my case, is difficult. It can be a sacrifice. But this year I wanted to look at the three traditional practices of Lent and see what I can do and make true sacrifices, seek true penance, and to do good works without seeking praise.  Through this I want to come closer to God, be a better (and more patient!) Mommy and to be a better spouse.