Caring For Ourselves

As the new year approached I found myself sitting with my two best girlfriends having our own after Christmas celebration with our families. A tradition we have held for most of the last 10 years.  

While our husbands took the kids to the park, we took the time to catch up and fill each other in our lives. As we chatted I found that we each had the same dilemma of finding time for everyone  and everything else but ourselves.  It was leaving us drained, exhausted, frustrated, and irritable. We had been neglecting ourselves and our time with each other so that we could devote our time and energy to our spouses, children, extended families, and the overwhelming number of volunteer activities.  Not that any of those things are unworthy of our time. They certainly are worthy. But I have found from my personal experience, that I can be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend when I have taken some time for myself.

Taking time away from the “to do” list,  and letting go of my perception of perfection is my gift to me. It’s waking up earlier than everyone else and spending time with a mug of tea, my Bible/devotional and spending time praying for the people in my life. When I pray for others I find an inner peace that helps me prepare for the day.  But when I don’t take that time my day is too hurried and chaotic.

In taking an informal survey amongst friends, I asked what ways can we take care of ourselves. Here are some suggestions:

--Letting yourself read a book or work on a craft project even if everything isn’t perfect (Rosann)

--Redefine personal time: a nap here, five minutes with a book there, a call to a friend (Becky)

--Make a list of things that bring you joy and try to do one or experience one a day (ex. fresh flowers, warm jammies, special food) (Erin)

---Give time to things that make you happy and try to share that happiness with others. In that way, you are able to take care of yourself and develop inner growth (Sham)

--Make two things a priority for yourself:  Sleep and exercise, in that order. Then everything will pretty much fall into place (Alison)

--Think about the silly things that brought you joy as a teenager like dancing in front of the mirror lip synching to Madonna and do it again and laugh (Felicia)

--Saying "no" sometimes to others and not letting yourself feel guilty because it really IS okay to NOT do everything and give yourself a break sometimes. I think that is HUGE when I think of "self care."  Oh and having gratitude, prayer time, and time reflecting on God's awesome creation and our many blessings! (Kelly)

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.       (Matthew 11:28)

Uncertainty

It seems like 2012 has been burdened with uncertainty for many of my friends. Uncertainty about what the future holds and how they will be able to handle it.

First, friends of ours have been dealing with their 23-month old's brain injury.  This little one was involved in a violent incident.  Her recovery is amazing thus far. She was brought home just this past Friday, but will still be undergoing extensive outpatient speech, physical, and occupational therapy.  Her parents are facing uncertainty about her future because it's still not clear how extensive her injuries may be. Their faith is amazing and they are so very strong.  They (and we!) continue to rejoice in her recovery as she progresses step by step.

Second, another friend just found out she has colon cancer. As I type this, she is in surgery. She has two little ones, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2.  She started blogging about her unexpected journey and her faith is strong.  She is relying on our great Physician as she prays for healing and strength.

Third, another friend is facing possible single parenting in the near future as her husband faces several assault and attempted murder charges on another.  Most likely he'll go to jail.  We've known this couple for several years and I'm still in shock and don't know quite how to process this information. All of it. There is so much to the backstory that I can't even fathom what the entire (immediate and extended) family is going through.  I'm sure their family doesn't either. This woman and her family are facing uncertainty.

Fourth, my neighbor just told me today that one of her daughters (4 yrs. old) may lose hearing in both ears.  It could happen in a year it could take several years. She is facing uncertainty.

I, too, am facing uncertainty. But mine is temporary and seems so petty compared to the ones my friends' are facing. Me? I'm wondering how I will have the grace and patience to temporarily single-parent when Hubby leaves next week for his big project. I just found out today that he is leaving a day earlier than expected.

As I contemplate all of this uncertainty that seems to surround my friends I go back to this verse:

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk 
for I give myself to you" (Psalm 143:8)

And I just found this one and I'll share it with my friends who are facing uncertainty:

"We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.  May you be filled with joy."  (Colossians 1:11)

For those of you facing uncertainty: May you be filled with God's grace. May you find strength in His unfailing love. Peace.

Is Teaching in My Blood?

Last night I had a dream that I was back in a classroom teaching fourth graders. I was making mistakes in some of my routines, but was already making mental notes how to make things go more smoothly the next day.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have any intention of going back to the classroom anytime soon. I love staying home with my kids. I recently told Hubby that any day that I get to wake up and stay home with the kids and not have to leave for work is a good day.  It doesn't mean I'll never work again, but it does mean that I've decided to make my kids my priority. When the time comes, I'll go back to work...but I still don't think it will be the classroom. I have another idea that I'll share in another 10 years ;)

I think I had this dream because I'm preparing for my son's preschool summer camp with our church.  This year I have been recruited as a preschool teacher and I'll be teaching 3 & 4 year olds about religious life in Ireland in year 600 AD or is 400AD?  I'm really excited for the opportunity, but a little nervous. My expertise is upper elementary and middle school. While I have young children, teaching a group of them will be a completely different experience.

At the last meeting for the preschool camp, there was a request for volunteers to help keep the camp running next year.  The current director has decided to step down after 5 years. She has done an amazing job, but it is a lot of work!  We don't use a box VBS (Vacation Bible School) curriculum and it takes the effort of many volunteers to put the camp together for 60-90 campers a year.  Anyway, she suggested that the camp continue with no less than 25 volunteers and is asking for future volunteers to keep the camp going.

If you know me or have worked with me you know that I'll volunteer and then tend to take on too much. I did this with my former job and I completely burnt myself out. So for the last 2 years my mantra has been...let me think about it. I just know that if I say "yes" I'll put 110% into it.  Which is great, but then I get stressed and then stress out my family.  So I held back and didn't volunteer (yet) for next year's camp.    I intended this year to take my new teaching assignment and do what I was told and not take a leadership position, but do what was asked and do it to the best of my ability. But.....

I can't help it! We broke down in small groups to go over our lessons for the week. Since I was the only one in the preschool group that made it to the first meeting I had all the information for the other ladies.  So of course, I sat down and started going over class lists and schedule. I started going over lessons and provided suggestions. Hubby laughed when I told him that I couldn't help it but I'm really good at telling people what to do. Go ahead and laugh. I know you are!

We talked and collaborated and shared ideas...but if there was a leader I was probably it because I led the  discussion. Sorry! I don't mean to, I just can't help myself. I think it's the teacher in me. I also think it's the administrator in me that has always been buried inside. But despite all of this, I do not want to take a leadership position anywhere!!

So it brings me to what I've been thinking about for the last 3 days...should I add myself to next year's volunteer list? This kind of thing is definitely my strength. I have the organization for it, the training for it, and the experience.  I know that if I volunteer that I won't be the only one. The group is filled with other parents who are go-getters, self-motivated, and creative.  I would not be doing this by myself.  I would actually be in a league of others who are in the same mind-frame.  I think the camp is a great idea and I know that my son loves it.  He totally benefits from it and I love the structure.  I would hate if the camp couldn't continue because we didn't have enough volunteers.

So here I am...debating.