Give a Little Grace

This morning as I waited at the school's doors waiting for them to open so that my daughter could enter I noticed a long line of cars in the parent loop.  The idea is that the parents drop off their children and then move on allowing the cars behind them to pull up and do the same.  This morning there was a car in the first slot in line and she was just idling. The cars behind her became impatient and started to honk. They couldn't get around her as there were large orange cones blocking their path and for good reason. If they weren't there the parents tend not to pay attention zoom around the car that is "too slow" and it's a recipe for disaster.  However, as it was still early and the staff member that monitors the parent loop wasn't out yet. Impatient cars were honking and the cars were lining up. Looking out into the street you could see the long line of cars in either direction. Without the cars moving through the parent loop, other cars could not get in and well, it results in loooooong lines of cars, impatient parents, and antsy children.

My friend and I were watching the increasingly angry event and decided to give a hand. While my friend spoke to the parent, I moved the cones and started directing cars to move forward and around. Mind you, I was holding my one year old and I was praying that the frustrated parents wouldn't be in such a rush to move around the waiting car that they would zoom too quickly by and nick us.  One parent was hesitant to move forward I asked if he had enough room to get by. He assured me he did, but I could see that he was debating about whether or not to approach the parent. I wished him a Happy Monday and encouraged him to keep moving. One parent pulled up to me and told me that the waiting car shouldn't be there and someone needed to tell her to move. My friend already had and I told him I was just a parent like him and not staff so "Have a happy Monday and move on."

Finally the assistant principal came out and spoke to the mother. Come to find out this was her first day of doing drop off and her little preschooler needed a one on one to escort him in.  She looked and sounded frazzled, there was miscommunication, and she was getting increasingly upset as she waited for the staff member (who never came out) to assist her.  It was all a miscommunication.

All I could think was, "Oh, that poor woman. She must be frazzled and slightly embarrassed and frustrated." She is dropping off her most precious heart to school and the long line of cars behind her were showing her their irritation and frustration.  And I thought, "Folks, grant each other grace."  How often do we move through the day irritated and frustrated with the person in front of us in line who is taking too long, the child who is moving too slowly because he wants to do "by himself!" the person crossing the crosswalk with 4 children and doing it slowly as the 4 year old wants to hop across instead of walking briskly...and the list could go on.

As we get ready for Thanksgiving and head into the Advent season where the stores will be crowded, the lines will be longer, and the sugared up children will be slightly more off as they are overstimulated by the lights  and sounds that accompanies the Christmas season, remember to grant each other grace. Greet each other with a smile and friendly hello. Hold the doors open for each other, be patient with one another, and grant each other grace.

Peace be with you as we head into the preparation of celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior.

"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."  2 Corinthians 1:2 (NIV)

Mama's Heart Breaks Just a Little

My sweet and goofy Boogie

We've been through some big transitions in the last year.  Bean was born just a little over a year ago and while I was learning to navigate post-partum and mothering 4 children I had to learn to navigate the IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) process from the other side of the table. Being an educator, I knew the process, being a mother who has a child who may need an IEP is a whole different story.  Since preschool I had had some concerns over my son's development.  Things weren't clicking for him as I thought they should. More than once I was told that he's doing "just fine." But that didn't work for  me. You see, I could tell that he was bright, but there was a disconnect. Even though he was reading and processing and comprehending above grade level texts, he was still doing letter reversals in his writing. His handwriting was horrible and he had a hell of a time with executive functioning and following multi-step directions.  So in my 2nd month of pregnancy we started down the road of having him tested.  More than once I was told that he could be on the spectrum.  What spectrum you ask? The autism spectrum.  And quite frankly the developmental pediatrician said that my sweet Boogie walks a fine line.  He said if Aspberger's was still an independent diagnosis and not lumped under the very wide umbrella of autism, there would have been a chance he would have diagnosed Boogs as having Aspberger's. But now the diagnosis would be high functioning autism because of the way it's defined in the DSM.  But at the time, the pediatrician didn't have enough data to make that diagnosis.  He said that Boogie definitely has dysgraphia (difficulty with writing) and he is diagnosed with that.  We will have to do further testing and evaluation if we want to determine definitely if Boogs is on the spectrum.  Right now, we decided to wait.

I bring this up because this has been a tough year trying to understand my son a little more and trying to support and guide him a little more. Meeting his needs and giving him the tools and skills he needs to navigate life.  Academically he's aces.  Socially and emotionally he needs a lot more help.  So we did the IEP process. We had him assessed through the school and from their point of view he came up with NOT being on the spectrum, but having a lot of difficulty with executive functioning.  His writing disability came up. We also found out he's effing brilliant. I don't say that easily. I knew he was bright, but it came up over and over again, "Do you have any idea how intelligent your son is?" I nodded and said, "Well, I know he's bright." It wasn't until I had in my hand his results that I realized that my son is not typical. Not in any way.  And as my husband says, "Why be normal?"  He can't tie his shoes, but he can give you every single detail from every single book he has ever read. He can give you specific stats on just about every animal.  His background knowledge blows me away and often I have to say, "I don't know the answer to that, let me look it up." But he can't follow more than one direction at a time. He can't put together legos. He can't see the forest for the trees. As a result of the testing and giant discrepancy between his cognitive abilities and his writing abilities Boogie was given an IEP. So that we're clear, they (being the school system) don't hand out IEP's like they're candy. They are actually hard to come by and the school systems have a lot of keeper of the keys and they are kind of stingy about handing those out. So imagine my shock when we didn't get a 504 plan, which is lot easier to receive, but an actual IEP. My son has goals, a case manager, accommodation, and support where he needs it most.  Not only that, he was also tested as part of his application to attend a program for the highly gifted students.  So Boogs is academically in the top 3% of 4th graders in the county. (I had no idea until someone else told me the stats). So now we have an IEP and now we are switching schools to meet my son's academic needs because as it was gently put to us, they can't meet his needs at his home school because his academic needs are above his peers.  So we accepted his acceptance and now Boogs attends a school that is a 20 minute bus ride away.

I thought it would be easier. I thought that since he had an IEP he would get the support he needed while his learning was enriched. I LOVED his old school. I loved the teachers and the administration.  I felt supported, I felt like they KNEW and UNDERSTOOD my child. And they did.  They still ask about him when I go to pick up my daughter.  But every school is different. My husband will tell you our home school is like a warm hug. It is welcoming. The new school is all business. No warm hug there.  It's just very different.  We struggled this first quarter to get this case manager to follow Boog's IEP. I was told over and over again, he doesn't need the support as outlined. Nonetheless, they need to follow the IEP until we review and deem it unnecessary. After a meeting and some strongly worded emails, we are getting a little more support. Not a lot, but more.

And then, my son missed his bus this week. Not once, but twice. He missed the bus coming home.  Because of Boog's difficulty with executive functioning he has come to rely heavily on his peers. He observes routines and situations and sets into place things that will help him. When those variables change, he has difficulty going with the flow and putting in new support systems. So this week the teacher changed the seating in the classroom. End of the 1st quarter so everyone got new seats. No big deal, right? Well unbeknownst to her and to us Boogie has been relying on the two girls at his table to know when to leave for the bus. They never told him to get up, but he noticed when they left the table and he would just follow them to make it to his bus. Well now no one at his current table takes his bus. His cues are no longer there and as a result he missed it when his bus was called. TWICE this week. The second time he was just beside himself sobbing on the phone.  I calmed him down and drove the 20 minutes to go pick him up.  And here, this where my heart breaks just a little. So Boogie needs help. When Hubby and I asked him what he could do to ensure that he could make it on the bus he said he could ask his classmates/bus mates to tap him when they leave to catch their bus. Okay, so it's not taking full responsibility, it's still relying on others to help him. But it was a strategy. I found out last night that he asked a bunch of kids and most of them said, "no." They said "no." That's where my heart broke. They just said, "no."  Some had after school clubs and wouldn't be taking the bus everyday. But others who don't just said, "no." "No, I won't help you." What?  So my heart broke.  And today while relaying the story to a friend I broke. I cried. The tears that had been threatening since last night spilled.

I realize I hate the new school. I hate the lack of support. I miss the warm hug and welcoming smile.  It's so closed off and business like. So my heart breaks and I struggle with how to best help my son and support him.  In my head I go back and forth about whether or not to pull him from school. For now, I won't. He belongs in that program. He needs that enrichment. He needs that higher level of learning.  He needs that push.  But he also needs compassion, support, and guidance. I will strive to give that to him from home.  I will strive to teach him to be that kind of person who says, "Yes, I'll help you" when someone asks for help because, quite frankly, I don't want to raise an asshole. And boy it is hard to raise kids who are kind, caring, and compassionate. To some it comes quite easily, and to others, it's a skill that needs to be taught.  So I pray that I will have the tools and skill to raise my children so that they are not assholes. Don't we all want that? So let's do it.

Back to School!

I just registered for my first online course to keep up my teaching certification. YIKES! I'm feeling a bit very nervous about balancing the course load and family obligations.  But this is important and I should do this...but YIKES!

I'm wondering if I can handle the pressures, though it is really only one class. And I can do it in my "down" time. Down time, HA!  My certification really does not expire for another two years, but I hate doing things last minute and stressing out about it and wondering if I'll get all of my paperwork in on time.  So here I am, two years ahead of schedule taking 3 of the 6 credits needed by June 2015.  I'm hoping that if I write the state department of education that I can get an intro to writing class approved, because that would be awesome. I am a reading specialist and I think that writing is an integral part of the literacy process.  Do you know how many of our students are unable to write a cohesive paragraph? Or answer a question in writing? I used to make my students write every single day as part of their warm up, as a result, I saw their literacy skills take off. I spoke with my son's teacher from last year and I saw the literacy work he was doing with his emerging readers. Inspirational!

Anyhoo, I'm checking my email every so often to see if my coursework information has been sent to me.  They said it should be sent as early as tonight or in a few days and I can begin immediately.  I'm very excited, too. It's been so long since I've been a student and I'm looking forward to using my brain in other than "mommy mode."  Wish me luck!....YIKES!

A Teacher Who "Gets" Him

Professor Boogie trying on his teacher's glasses

Now that I'm on the other side of the table, I want to make sure that my children get a teacher who "gets" them. Understands them, nurtures them, challenges them, educates them, and just "gets" them. I hope I was a teacher who "got" her students. There are times I look back and felt that I could have connected better, taught better, been more empathetic, should have challenged more, been more nurturing...

We have been really, really blessed with the teachers Boogie has had. His preschool teachers taught him that God is #1 and he's held that close to his heart for the last two years. Hopefully longer.  They have strengthened the strong foundation in Christ that my husband and I have laid down for him.

This year we could not have been happier with his kindergarten teacher. He is a teacher who "gets" his students. He understands them, challenges them, nurtures them. He's given Boogs a great foundation in academics.  I spoke to him the other day about next year. With Boogs being on the wait list for the language immersion programs he'll be going back to his current school.  I asked Mr. S. about next year's placement.  He said he already knows who he wants for Boogs. And as I looked at him and was about to voice my own anxiety he said, "Don't worry, she'll 'get' him." Me: "She'll get him?"  Mr. S. "Yes, she'll get him. She has a Boogie, too." And with that little exchange, I felt that Boogs is going where he's supposed to be next year.  I feel good about the transition and feel confident that next year will be a good year.  At any rate, I'm not worried and that's a good thing :)

Maybe I should have asked if the teacher will "get" me, too ;)

Wait Listed

I mentioned a while back that we were seriously considering in applying for Boogie to be a part of a full or partial language immersion program. I went to an open house for the Chinese immersion program and I was pretty impressed. I blogged about it, posted it on my Facebook wall, and spoke to family and friends. So many factors to consider.  One of them being travel time and accessibility to the school for me.  Right now I have a sweet deal where I can walk Boogs to his school. We've cut our walking time down from 15-20 minutes to about 7 minutes. It's 10 minutes when my plantar fasciitis flares up.  I have face time with the teacher every day after school and I really like the school. They have so many wonderful after school programs: languages, yoga, sports, art, etc.

 If I like the school so much why did I even consider a language immersion program? I considered it because now is the time for Boogie to learn new languages. It is so much harder when you are an adult. Now, the synapses are firing and neural pathways are ready to acquire new information. It's amazing what children learn before the age of 5!

I hemmed and hawed about it up until the last moment and decided to apply for two of the programs. I was hoping to apply for a Spanish immersion program because I feel that I have enough Spanish to help him if need be.  However, only two programs were relatively nearby: Chinese and French. They are still about 20+ minutes away without traffic. Throw in traffic, 3 kids, and a preschool drop-off, it gets a little dicier.

We found out last week that Boogs is wait listed. He's number 13 for the Chinese immersion program and number 15 for the French immersion program. I have to say, I'm okay with this. As awesome as it would be for Boogie to be a part of these programs, I don't think it works for our schedule right now.  My SIL brought up a good point saying if he was my only child, this would be a no-brainer. But he isn't, and I have to think about the affects on our family schedule.  I think if it was meant to be, it will be.  And I'm relieved to know that he'll be going to a good school to which I have easy access.  There are language programs offered at our current school once a week for x amount of weeks. He loved his after school Spanish class and wants to continue next  year.  That is totally doable and probably where we're headed. I'm glad I don't have to make a big schedule changing decision right now. I'm happy where we are and with what we're doing while still feeling like we are giving him Boogie every possible opportunity to follow his interests.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

Choices, Choices

I love our local elementary school. I love the proximity. I love the programs that are offered. There's so many that I can't put Boogie in all the ones I know that he would love because of scheduling!  I especially love his teacher. We totally hit the jackpot with Boogie's kindergarten teacher.  I could not have asked for a better foundation for his elementary schooling...

...Which brings me to what to do about next year. I think that his teacher is so fabulous that they only place to go is getting a teacher who is wonderful, but not incredible, and that alone will be a bit of a let-down. I just found out about the foreign language immersion programs that our district offers and I think it's so flippin' cool and I know that Boogie would love going to any of those school and learning a new language.  I just went to one of the open houses today and I was impressed. If Boogs were to be accepted, it would totally rock all of our worlds in a good way.

However, it's difficult to get into any of the schools. There are only 7 schools who offer foreign language immersion and each school offers only one of the following languages: Spanish, French, or Chinese.  There is a very small, small, small chance Boogie will be able to get into any of them because of the high demand, the small number of seats available, and the luck of the draw.  But I'm thinking, "Why not try?"

There are many factors to consider: distance, accessibility, time, etc.  But I think what Boogs would get in return would outweigh many of those factors.  Of course, there is the very conveniently located and outstanding school that's a 7-minute walk from our home. They also offer foreign language classes, but it's only once a week for part of the year.

Choices, choices.  I will do some more in-depth research on each of the schools and seriously consider the impact on our life. I have to keep in mind that I'll have a preschooler next year and I'll have to shuffle her back and forth to her school. I'll also have a toddler in tow.  I think I'll apply to the programs that are nearest to our home. Even though it would be cool to apply to all 7, if he should get in and we can't make the haul, it's not fair to the others who desperately want to be in the program.

I'm leaving this one in God's hands.  But honestly, either way, Boogie will have a great academic year next year.  I'm just stoked that our county offers so much in resources and so does our local school. I've taught in our county and I don't remember any of my schools offering the variety or number of after school activities that our local school has to offer.  I'm so excited for him and I look forward to what next year will bring.  For Buggy, too, as I start her preschool application process this week!

Ecclesiastes 3:11  He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to end. (NIV)

Helicopter Mama?

A while back, Boogs mentioned that one of the kids in his class told him he didn't want to be friends with him.  I said, "It's okay, Kiddo, you don't have to be friends with everyone."  I get that, not everyone wants to be friends and it's okay.  But I noticed this particular kid at the Halloween party and ever since then, my radar has been up.

At the Halloween party I noticed that when the teacher asked Boogs to line up for the costume parade and had asked him to choose two classmates to join him in line, Boogie chose this particular child.  I saw the child get home, roll his eyes and say, "I knew he was going to choose me. He likes me." And then the kid sighed. Fine, whatever. I let it go, but my radar went up.

Boogie has mentioned this kid several times. And he's said, more than once, that he wanted to be friends with him, but N. didn't want to be friends with him.  But that one time N. let Boogs play with him. Boogie was supposed to pretend he was a baby bird and N. would be the daddy bird. Boogs was supposed to chirp to be "fed" and the daddy bird would fly back and feed him. Well Boogie chirped all through recess and N. only came by at the end to feed him.  Yeah, that's right. My kid sat in one place playing a game while the other kid ran around with other friends during recess and then came at the end. Don't tell me that the other kid didn't know what he was doing, because he so totally did. He's a smart kid.  Strike 2!

But last week my heart broke when Boogie said that he couldn't play with his usual friends because they were playing with N. and N. didn't want to play with Boogs. Then Boogs let it slip that he plays by himself often at recess because all the other kids are playing with N. And what really broke my heart was  when Boogie told me with tears in his eyes, "N. says I'm a little crazy and he's right. I just have so much energy at recess I have to run around.  I've tried everything, but he still doesn't want to be my friend." Okay, kid. Strike 3.  When my son is crying and telling me he's tried everything, we're done. I'm not putting my kid through the "mean girls" routine in kindergarten. It's just not right.

Initially, I did ask Boogs to tell me the characteristics of good friends and then we talked about the kids in his class who had those traits. He was able to name quite a few, but when I asked why he didn't play with them, he said, "Well, they play with N. and he doesn't want to play with me so I can't play with them." Boogie is really good about boundaries and he was having a really difficult time trying to stick with the boundaries that his classmate had set.

So I did it. I spoke to the teacher and set up a conference.  I became that mom. Instead of letting the kids work it out I went to the teacher. Honestly, I felt a little stupid for doing so. I was an elementary teacher. I know that the teacher can't control how the kids think and what they do, especially on the playground. It's impossible. But I did it anyway. When my kid is crying  or telling me that another kid finally "let" him play with him and the other kids then what we've got is a bullying situation going on. Kindergarten is too young to start this bullsh*t.  I won't have it. So I became a bit of a helicopter mama. I swooped in and had a conference with the teacher. I did not tell Boogs what the conference was about. He did not sit in on it. But I wanted strategies for Boogs.

In speaking with the teacher he assured me that it was okay to bring up the issue, because if he doesn't know about it, he can't help to fix it. The guidance counselor will come in and talk about friendship. Mr. S. will role play with the kids. He gave me a few phrases for Boogs to use to stand up for himself.

In speaking with the teacher, I realized that I was afraid the underlying issue was that Boogie was starting to find his self worth in other people. Having been a person who has done that, I do not want my son going through that. At all. Not even a little bit.  Now that I know this, I will work harder to show Boogs that he determines his own self worth. Not other people.

My Boogie Man is a kind hearted soul. He loves his friends and his family. He reminds me to put God first. He is passionate about helping animals, reading, and learning new things. He is just the coolest little guy.

Romans 12:2 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Kindergarten!

It's official. I am a mother of a kindergartener.  Boogie started his first day of kindergarten yesterday. Overall, I'd say the day went fairly well. He had been anxious the weeks leading up to it saying that he didn't want to go to all day school. He said he would miss us. He also figured out that Daddy has off every other Friday, but he would still have to go to school.

Hubby took the day off to walk Boogie to his first day of school.  It was nice to have an extra pair of hands as we learned a new routine. I woke up Boogs. I could tell he was excited and nervous.  I was giddy and so excited for him. I knew that he would love it.  During breakfast we all broke out into dancing as some good songs came on the radio. It was nice to do something fun and silly before gearing up to go to school.

I strapped the baby in a front carrier and Buggy, Hubby, and I took first day of school pictures and then walked Boogs to school. We got there in time for Boogs to line up briefly before being asked to go into the classroom.  And then we left. And just like that, I was the mother of a kindergartner.

Hubby and I decided to devote most of the day to our sweet Bug who seemed kind of lost without her favorite playmate. When we went to the gym, the childcare folks said that she was weepy and kind of forlorn.  We took her to lunch, played with her, and spoke with her, pouring a ton of love on her. She totally needed it and we were happy to oblige.

We picked up Boogs at the end of the day and we were shocked to find out how much energy he had. We were convinced that he would be exhausted and fall asleep in his dinner. But no joke he came home and bounced around for 4 hours!  Through dinner, through some errands, and before bedtime. Where did he get his energy.  We took him to his favorite restaurant for dinner where he ate like a horse.  I think Hubby and I are still trying to figure out what happened. But when he went to bed, he was asleep in minutes and didn't get up until morning. He was undoubtedly exhausted.

I am very pleased with whom he was placed for kindergarten. I think the teacher will understand him and appreciate his humor, intelligence, and energy...or so I hope.  It was a wonderful beginning to his academic career. I am so appreciative of the men and women who choose to become teachers and do it well. We give them our most precious and valuable possessions, our children. Thank you! A special thank you to my MVMS peeps (current and former). Even though Boogs isn't in your school, I value that time that I was able to work with you. You are what keeps me hopeful that there are incredible teachers who love what they do. Thank you!

Preschool Graduation

Boogie with his preschool teacher

Yesterday was Boogie's graduation from preschool. I had been sentimental all week as I prepared for it.  I finally convinced Hubby that he should leave work early to come to the last sing of the year and for the graduation ceremony. I know he is a busy man, but I think that sometimes you have to take a time out from your work life and be there for some of the milestones. (He absolutely does try, but his boss is crazy and freaks out when he takes some time off...like when I have a baby.)

The last sing of the year was sweet and the kids did a wonderful job singing. Thanks to my handy dandy birthday present from Hubby, I was able to record everything on my new Flip cam. Love it!  I looked a little crazy with the baby strapped in his carrier on the front of me,  my camera bag hanging across my body, while Buggy sat half asleep (no nap) with her thumb in her mouth, and me trying to capture every word on my Flip. But it was golden and once again I reveled in the fact that I was able to do this and be there for my son for this milestone. And what a treat it was to have Hubby show up in the middle and surprise Boogs.

After the sing, we all trooped back from the auditorium to the classroom where the teacher presented graduation certificates and special certificates with biblical character traits.  Boogie was given a certificate showing that he demonstrated the traits of Daniel and the gift of insight.  I loved hearing how each child demonstrated a specific trait. What a neat idea!

After graduation, Hubby and I took the kids for ice cream and then for dinner. I know, backwards, but we wouldn't have gotten them to sleep the other way around :)

I am so appreciative to the preschool teachers Boogs has had over the last three years.  They are kind people and have a passion for teaching children.  I look forward to Bug having some of the same teachers when she starts school in another year. I am so looking forward to kindergarten because I just know that Boogie is going to absolutely love it. But I'm going to miss him and I'm going to realize just how quickly time flies once he's in school full-time.  I wonder if I will have appreciated him enough when he was home full-time. We'll find out.

Congratulations to my sweet Boogs. I love you. You make me so proud!