A Tough Week for Bananas and Time for Me to Give Myself Grace

It's been a tough week for Mr. Bananas.  I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's being 2 1/2. Maybe it's a growth spurt. I don't know if it's his adventurous spirit.We ("We" ahem being my husband) decided that maybe Mr. B should forgo the nap because bedtimes were hard. Now that Bananas hasn't napped in about a week he's a little bit stumbly-bumbly during the day.  It's probably a little of everything.

Let me start with, "Yes, Mom he is fine. And yes, I am watching him. Yes, these things happen. He is fine. Really. He is."

It started on Monday when Bananas ventured a little too far at the local pool. I know that some of my friends think I'm a little too nonchalant about watching my kids at the pool.  I refuse to be scared of the water, though I do have a healthy respect for it. I do watch my kids and I actually scan the water frequently trying to keep an eye on all three kids. Yes, the oldest can swim. And yes, there are very competent lifeguards, but it doesn't hurt to constantly scan the water, especially when all 3 are in different directions.  And guess what pool friends...I actually scan the water looking out for your little ones, too. I know that some of you aren't as comfortable in the water as my family so I try to scan the water making sure your munchkins are fine, too.

On Monday, I had gotten out of the pool to get something and stayed on the pool deck next to the steps where Bananas was happily playing. Someone came to talk to me about swim team, and I was also talking to one of the other lifeguards. But as I always do, my eyes flicked to the water every now and again to keep tabs on the kids.  And then it happened (Mom, stop reading here if it's going to freak you out. Bananas is fine!).

I notice Bananas had ventured farther than usual.  I also noticed him bobbing up and down and then it hit me that he wasn't coming all the way up. The whole situation was probably less than a minute long, but it felt like an eternity. As I watched him, I heard in my head one of the Flipper coach's description on active drowning and I realized that was what was happening. In horror I looked up at the lifeguard in the chair right next to Bananas willing him to look down and at the same it was as if my vocal chords were paralyzed and I couldn't even speak to alert him and when the lifeguard didn't look down I must have said something aloud to the lifeguard next to me because the lifeguard (our superhero) took off at a sprint around the side of the pool (the path of least resistance) and I, being illogical, went through the water to get to Mr Bananas. She got to Bananas and pulled him out and I came by a second or two later.  He was fine. A little scared, but fine. He swallowed a little water and he burped, but he was fine. He was fine. Thank God!!!!  I was more in shock about the whole situation and felt guilty and I have been beating myself up about it for days.  Bananas? After a popsicle he wanted to get in again. Every part of my being wanted to scream "No" and protect him, but the good mom in me knew that I needed him to get back on the proverbial horse and try it again. He stayed closer to Mama and he isn't afraid of the water, but I think he's found his limit. Me, too.  I am super grateful to our local super hero. Did you know that super heroes don't always wear capes? Sometimes they wear bathing suits and their angel wings are hidden from the human eye. But they are there. I believe we have angels among us and I am grateful. I am grateful for the quick thinking and lightening reflexes of our pool manager. I am super grateful she did not berate me and make me feel worse. Because she could have and it would have been warranted at the time. And I would have lost all of my composure and blubbered nonstop. In addition to saving my son, she gave me the gifts of grace and understanding and did not make me feel like an incompetent mother.

Thursday, I was feeling like a rockstar because all of the kids had woken up in time for us to go to the 8:45am Mass for the Feast of the Assumption of Mary.  But by the time we actually made it into the van, 2/3 of the kids were crying and we arrived to church a little bit late.  The kids were doing pretty well, until about halfway through mass it happened. Bananas was standing right next to me, took a misstep and bumped his chin on the pew in front of us, which bounced him backwards and, before I could catch him, he bumped the back of his head on the pew seat, and then slid underneath it. As I hurried out of the small echoing chapel, I think the priest had to actually stop speaking because Bananas was crying so loudly and it echoed. Yeah, that rockstar feeling dissipated by 9:30 that morning. Ugh. But the day was redeemed by having chocolate crepes for second breakfast with friends and then a late morning 4+mile  run on the treadmill for me.

And finally, today, Bananas accidentally knocked a ceramic figurine off the kitchen counter where it fell onto our tiled floors causing it to break into several pieces. I hustled the kids out of the kitchen to clean it up, thinking it much worse than it was. I thought for sure that one of them had stuck themselves with a ceramic shard but they didn't. No need to break out the bandages.

But by the end of this week I am seriously contemplating wrapping the two year-old in bubble wrap or putting him in a plastic bubble. Just kidding. Sort of.  I know that realistically kids need to experience life and that we cannot protect them from everything. I also know that I am a good mom, though another experienced mom had to remind me of that.  I feel like I am always trying to prove that I am a good mom. But to whom am I trying to prove that undeniable fact? Well, to put it simply I am trying to prove it to myself and to my mom. My mom was a good mom and sometimes I feel like I don't measure up to her or that she judges me because my kids do fall and get scrapes, bumps, bruises, and broken noses.  But getting those battle scars is part of growing up.  They are my battle scars, too. I hurt when my kids hurt. I would do anything to protect them...anything but take away their experience as a kid.  No, I don't want them to be seriously hurt or injured, but but bumps and bruises are going to happen and they are going to need to learn to right themselves and brush themselves off and learn that they are okay.  I guess I need to do that as well.  I've beaten myself up a lot this week, but I keep referring back to the text my friend sent:

"LOSE THE GUILT now!!! You did NOTHING wrong and EVERYTHING right. Kids are unpredictable and we are not God-- but He does send us angels and He sent you one yesterday" and "You are a GREAT Mom!!!!"  I really, really needed to hear that and I still do.  Because right now with Bananas I'm not feeling it.  It's been a tough week for my little man and a tough week for his mama.

I feel very blessed to have a friend who texted me to check not only on Mr. Bananas but to check up on me. I think she knew that I was already upset with myself. She even arranged it so that her son (one of our beloved Flipper Coaches) would give Mr. Bananas a few swim lessons before the summer ended. I feel very blessed to once again be a part of a pool community who loves my kids.  Seriously, on Monday L. was our angel masquerading as a pool manager.  I feel very blessed that no one has called me out and berated me or question my parenting because I keep waiting for it to happen. And if it did, I don't think I would have a good enough answer to appease the judgmental mind.  G. said it best by saying that kids are unpredictable. And they are.  I don't take my job lightly.

I am so grateful for my three kids and for the community of friends and family who have helped us at one time or another. I don't think you can raise kids without a little help from your friends.  Well, I certainly couldn't and I am grateful for each of those helping hands and to be given grace when I make mistakes.

Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Why We Do Summer Swim Team

Mr. Bananas learning to be Head Timer.  "Timers! Clear your watches!"

My friends have looked at me incredulously at the beginning of the last three summers. When they have asked what we are doing for the summer I have told them that we are doing summer swim team.  They can't believe that we have practice every morning.  "You can't have practice every morning!" "Yes, yes we do. And now that Boogie is swimming in meets we are up and at the pool on Saturday mornings and Wednesday nights."

They think I'm crazy. They think we spend a lot of time at the pool (and yes, yes we do). They think my kids can't possibly enjoy being at the pool every morning. They actually do.  Boogie loves the water and Buggy has enjoyed learning how to swim and improving her skills. Mr. Bananas thinks everyone is his friend and in a way they are. He's kind of like the team mascot or at least comic relief.

Participating in swim team cheers

My friends think it's way too much of a time commitment and that it's too much work.  You pay to have your kids on a swim team and then you have to volunteer your time, too?!?  Yes. Yes we do.

When I was in the middle of third grade my parents moved us across the United States for my father's job and it just so happened to be in an area where summer swim team was a big deal.  I was at least 8 years old and I couldn't swim. My father being a deep sea diver thought that summer swim lessons would be a good thing for me.  Since I couldn't swim across the pool I was with the 4 and 5 years old learning to blow bubbles and put my head under water.  But I stuck with it. I learned how to swim and swam in B meets. I was never a an "A" meet swimmer and only made it in the "A" meets if someone couldn't make it and they needed another female swimmer in my age group.  I didn't have speed or a lot of skill but I had heart.  Just about every year I was on the team I was given some type of "Cheer" award for encouraging others and being willing to do whatever. Why did I do it? Because even though I wasn't very good, I loved swim team. I loved being in the water, I loved swimming, and I loved being a part of a team. I loved cheering on my friends.  I want my children to experience the same. I want them to encourage and be encouraged. I want them to have fun. I want them to experience being a part of a team and being a team player, while at the same time setting and breaking personal goals.  And let's face it, swimming is a life skill.

Sending off our seniors. We made a tunnel for them to run through and celebrated their time on swim team

I have fond memories of summer swim team. Of early morning practices and meets. Of seeing my parents at the end of the pool volunteering their time as timers. Of my dad coming straight from work in his khakis to make it in time to see me or my brother swim at a home meet.  Of my mom volunteering at concessions or being the ribbon writer.  Of earning a ribbon...even if it was a finisher ribbon. Striving for a goal and not giving up.  They are fond memories. While I have given up my swim cap for a pair of running shoes swimming is still my favorite sport.

Buggy swimming in her first mini meet last summer

My friend Valerie and fellow swim team rep writes her own version of  "Why We Do Swim Team" that captures the essence of why we do it.

So while Summer is nearly over, the kids are still practicing their swimming skills at the beach or at the pool. We see our fellow team mates and coaches at the pool and there is a sense of community.  While I am happy to not have to hustle the kids out of the house for the next two weeks and take things a little easier, I look forward to next year. To another swim season filled with goals, dreams, friendships, and community.

Swim on and swim hard.

Flipper Mini Meet

This weekend my kids participated in the annual Flipper Mini Meet with our swim team.  The Flipper Mini Meet is a great way for our youngest swimmers on the team to gain some experience of swimming in a meet. The meet is low-key and the majority of the swimmers have coaches in the lane with them supporting as they swim the different strokes. There is also kickboard races for those swimmers who aren't able to swim yet.  The coaches hold/support the kickboards as the kids kick along.

It was exciting to have both of the kids participate this year.  Boogie was signed up for both the 6 year old 25M Freestyle and the 6 year old 25M kickboard race. Buggy was signed up for the 5&Under kickboard race.

Boogie with Coach Paul swimming the 25M Freestyle

Boogie's 25M freestyle was right in the beginning as the third event.  He was in Heat 2, Lane 6.  My parents, my uncle, and one of my cousins showed up to show their support.  Boogie was the only one in his heat to dive in to the water (the other racers started on the wall while in the water.)  He swam really hard and although the coach was in the water for support, he kept backing up so that Boogie couldn't reach him, forcing Boogie to swim the whole way and he did! Boogie swam the whole length of the pool by himself!!!  I am so proud of him and most importantly he is so proud of himself. He now knows he can do it. Before he had this mental block thinking he couldn't swim it on his own. Somehow he dug deep and finished the race. Towards the very end he reached for his coach and I heard his coach say, "Don't reach for me Boogie! You can do this! You're almost at the end." I saw the look on Boogie's face that he wanted to give up, but he didn't. He kept swimming and I am so very, very proud of him. He was the last to touch the wall, but he did it and he did it on his own!  That event gave him the confidence to do the kickboard event without a coach in the water. He told his coach he didn't need to go in with him and as a result Boogie finished 7th overall. Quite the accomplishment!

Almost for My Flipper

My kids are participating in Summer swim team. This is Boogie's second year and Buggy's first year.  They are on the pre-team and learning how to swim. Boogie is learning to refine his freestyle and Buggy is learning to become more comfortable in the water, including going under water.

Boogie wearing his new goggles and jammers

Last night Boogie swam in his first ever "real" meet. Last year he swam in the Flipper meet which is designed to give pre-teamers a taste of what it is like to swim in a meet like the swimmers on Big Team.  But after practicing his freestyle the last two weeks, the coaches thought that Boogie could be placed in his first real meet. He swam in the boys 8&Under 25M Freestyle.

Directly after practice we found the local swim store and bought Boogie his first pair of jammers (instead of the old speedo bikinis, swimmers now swim in trunks that look a lot like bicycle shorts without the extra padding in the bottom).  Just the day before we bought him a pair of goggles so that it would be easier for him to side breathe without worrying about the water in his eyes (see more pictures after the jump).

Taking a Break...

My kids have officially finished their Spring sports season. Boogie played T-ball and Buggy played soccer. I'm so glad for the experiences my kids had and I'm glad that I enrolled them in Spring sports, but now I'm tired and I'm ready for a break.

I seriously considered enrolling Boogie for swim team this year. This is the first year he is eligible and I really, really, wanted him to be a part of it. I swam when I was younger and I loved it. Boogie seems to be a natural in the water and I definitely want to foster his love for swimming. But in looking at the schedule I realized that we would be miss 1/4 of our swim team time because of vacations. As a result I will hold off until next year and plan our vacations around it.

T-ball for Boogie was wonderful! He learned some very basic skills: throwing, catching, hitting, following directions, and running bases. His coaches were awesome and I was thrilled that the two coaches were amazingly patient.  The ages on the team ranged from 4-7. That's a big age range, but the coaches handled it so well. With Boogie being enthusiastic about everything, I was afraid that he would try their patience.  But fortunately, each coach had a great disposition and took everything in stride with every kid. I couldn't have asked for better. (A. if you are reading this, please give P. a big thank you for us!).

Buggy really seems to have a natural ability for soccer. Being so young (19 mos.) I was concerned with her ability to follow multi-step instructions. She did amazing! Her coach was also very patient and I think he loved her. She is easy to get along with and loves to follow directions.  She grasped the skills fairly easily and was always ready for the next new thing. I think we will keep her in soccer for the next few years unless she finds something else that she would really like to do. Another class I'm thinking about for her are dance classes. I'm concerned about the price of dance classes (and shoes, and costumes) but she loves to dance and I want to foster that love for music and dance.  I'll have to work it out.

In the meantime, we will be taking a break for the summer. We have so much else going on we can't really commit to any classes. But come Fall we will do it all over again. I'll enjoy the break while I have it!

Juggling Act

I'm up before the crack of dawn because we gotta get movin' today.  So much to do with little ones.  The morning will start of with a 9am T-ball game for my son.  My hubby will take him to the game while I get the little one up, fed, and dressed for the day. If there is any time before we leave the house, I will try to straighten it because I won't have time before the sitter comes to watch the kids so that Hubby and I can go out for our date night.

The Bug and I will go to the field where my hubby and I will do the hand off for swim lessons. He will take The Bug to swim lessons and I will stay and finish out the T-ball game with my son.  After it's done, he and I will go to the swim center where I will change my clothes to get ready for a bridal shower that I am attending this afternoon.  Then I will hand off my son to my husband after the little one's swim lessons, and then I'm rolling out for a bridal shower that's scheduled to be 4 1/2 hours long and that I'll still be late for because even with all the juggling, we can't do that hand-off any earlier because of the time of my Buggy's swim lesson.  Whew! That's a lot of juggling in a short amount of time. I will be on the road by the time my husband wrangles the kids and gets them home. I'll get home maybe 30 minutes before the babysitter arrives, in which time I will greet my family and then continue to organize the house so that she doesn't think that we live in a pit.

I feel like I'm running on empty. My husband was gone most of last week for a business trip. He's home and I feel like we haven't had 2 seconds to spend together due to trying to organize our plans for the weekend.  I'm still recuperating from not having him home for a week. I'm sleep-deprived and exhausted. He's still trying to get over his jet lag and get back in the rhythm of being home. Date night will be a relief and purposefully scheduled so that we can have some time together.  It's the time between now and date night that's going to be a juggling act.

Trust

My son is taking swim classes with our local recreation department. He loves the water and this is great bonding experience for us.  It's just the two of us, while my daughter spends a little one-on-one time with my parents, and my husband is still at work.

One of the things that we've been working is floating on his back. We've been trying to do this for years (every summer) but my son will float if I'm holding him, but if I start to slowly pull away my hands he pikes and grabs my hands.  He won't do it! Two weeks ago we tried and he allowed me to slowly pull away my hands and he floated by himself for several seconds. I am so proud of him! It was a long road, but we did it!

As we did this exercise several times during the class, and he continued to float by himself, I thought about how much he must trust me. He trusts me to be there when he feels himself floundering.  He trusts that I will pull him up and hold onto him. He trusts me to be by his side.

 I thought about what made him decide to float on his own and I came up with follow-through. Yes, follow-through. My son knows that I will follow-through with what I tell him I'm going to do...good, bad, indifferent, I will follow-through.  The last few times we tried floating, I told him that I will always catch him.  When I would pull my hands away, he would grab them to make sure I was still there, and I was. I always caught him, I always held him, I was always right next to him. I made him a promise and I followed through with it.  The last time he floated, he knew that I would be right there and I would catch him. He trusted me and I was there. Yay, us!

So many times in parenting I don't want to follow through...especially with the consequences. Taking away something, giving a time out, saying no. Because sometimes the tears come and so do the tantrums.  Sometimes I just want to say "Fine!", but having been a teacher for 8 years I learned very quickly that your students will overrun you if you don't follow-through. They have long memories and they'll remember if you did something that you said that you were going to do.  I took this skill with me into my parenting world.  A friend of mine once said, "It's so much easier to be a bad parent. Giving into your kids all the time, not setting boundaries or structure, no discipline. It's easy.  The hard part is being a good parent, finding the balance between structure and flexibility. Saying yes when it counts, and saying no when it really counts."  She's right. They don't hand you a manual when you have a baby. They send you home with a 3-day old and you hope that you don't screw it up.

My son has learned over the last 4 years that I will provide structure and balance. I will be there for him when he flounders and when he celebrates. I will rejoice in his successes and support him when he needs a little more guidance. We have developed trust and I pray that it will carry him through as he continues to grow.

Busy Weeks Ahead

I was looking over my calendar because we were invited to another March birthday and I was trying to schedule a time that I can see my friend's new baby. In looking at the calendar I realized that I have no free days!  When did my week become as busy or busier than my weekends?

As a general rule of thumb I try to limit our family to one thing a weekend. I do this to save our sanity or otherwise we would start the week exhausted. I got the idea from one of my brothers-in-law (BIL) who was tired of being on the go every weekend. However, we have a huge family and usually we have at least one event a month to celebrate with them. Sometimes more.  Last year I think we made it to Baltimore 6 weeks in a row for a family event. It would have been 7 but we finally had to say to one of them.

I have started scheduling my son's soccer classes for the week so that we would have our Saturdays free or maybe I should say free-er because almost no Saturdays are ever free.  I recently scheduled swim classes for the kids in preparation for summer.  Unfortunately I could not schedule the kids on the same day and had to settle for two different days.  My son is scheduled for 5:30 Wednesday nights and my daughter for 10:25 Saturday mornings. It's only for 6 weeks and through the Rec. Department.  I knew that Wednesdays would be a little tricky with my daughter being 16 months old and me not wanting to spring for a babysitter every week. My gracious parents have agreed to watch her for 1 1/2 to 2 hours every week until my husband can pick her up.

So here is my schedule for next week (But I'm starting with Saturday, the beginning of my weekend!)  This does not include my son going to preschool, going to the gym to work-out, or the multiple errands I have to run (especially to get all the gifts needed for those March birthdays!!!).

Saturday--husband hair cut, daughter swim class, birthday party (I had to cancel otherwise it would be crazy busy!)

Sunday--Church, church meeting for me, birthday party for my son's best friend.

Monday--Birthday party for son's preschool friend

Tuesday--LOST (does this count? My husband and I shuffle the kids off to bed a little more quickly so that we can have date night on the couch watching LOST. I don't schedule anything else on Tues. nights for this very reason).

Wednesday--Son's Swim Class

Thursday--Tot Swap with a friend (gotta get a babysitter)

Friday--Family Soup and Stations at our Church

Saturday--Clean the Church, daughter's swim class, birthday party for our Goddaughter

Sunday--Church, date luncheon???? (we're also trying to fit in a date night once a month, though this one might not work for us. Unfortunately it's the only date available, not including the Wedding we're attending at the end of the month...does going to a wedding constitute a date night if the kids are not there?)

So there it is in a nutshell. We have an activity scheduled everyday and the following week is starting to look the same!  I have started getting up earlier every morning so that I have time for a morning devotional and blogging. It gives me a few minutes before the kids get up and I feel like I'm on the go. Speaking of which, my son and daughter have woken up 30 minutes earlier than usual, so here I go again!