Identity

Yesterday, I officially resigned from teaching in my local school system.  It was something that's been a long time coming. I've been on childcare leave for the last 3 years. This is the last year that I could take off before making my final decision to either go back to work or resign.  When I received my final paperwork, I knew that I would check off the box that gave my resignation. Even though I've been looking forward to this for quite some time, it was still scary to check off that box. It means that I am no longer employed and no longer tied to the school system. SCARY!

I received the paperwork just days after having Bam Bam. I feel like it's divine intervention. I do feel that it's God's way of saying that I can take this time to be a mommy and to say goodbye to my career for a while.  Not forever, but for a while.

For so long being a teacher was my identity. I knew who I was and I knew how to do my job.  Over the last 3 years I've been working on this new identity of being a stay-at-home mom.  It's a roller coaster ride. It's unpredictable, scary, fun, intimidating, exhilarating, exhausting, and the best job I have ever had.  Some days I don't think I'm very good at it, and other days I feel like I've completely hit it out of the park.  There's no other place I'd rather be right now.

I feel like I missed so much the first 2 years of Boogie's life while I worked. I'm happy that I took some time off to spend time with him that last 3 years and then to be around for Buggy and for Bam-Bam.  As a friend pointed, it's not forever. I could always go back if I wanted. But right now I have the opportunity to be totally selfish of my time and to do what I want. So I choose to stay home with the kids.  But I also realize that it's no longer my time and I don't get to do whatever I want. It's my kids' time and what I want to do is to serve them in this time.  So rewarding!  If I can raise them to be empathetic, helpful, loving, and kind people, then I've done a good job.

In the meantime I've decided to seriously focus on writing. I've received a lot of positive feedback from some of my posts.  I'm still in a "new" Mommy stupor and pretty exhausted, but as I continue to heal and get back into the swing of things, I'm going to start submitting some of my writing. Wish me luck!

Now when people ask what I do, instead of saying "I'm a teacher" I say, "I'm a Stay-at-home Mom."  It has a nice ring to it.