Two Important Phrases

It seems like two of the most important phrases are sometimes the hardest ones to say.  Just last night I was chatting with a friend and we talked about how sometimes we rarely hear the word thank you and she mentioned that my hubby and I are really good at thanking one another. I didn't realize anyone had noticed.  But it's something we do and it's instrumental in our marriage.

 But I had to admit to her that it came about because of a big argument we had early in our marriage. I was nagging my husband about something and he retorted that I never said thank you and had asked when was the last time I had thanked him for something. I couldn't remember and it was a wake up call. As a result I make it a point to thank him for things that he does, whether it was making dinner, taking out the garbage, fixing something in the house, or just listening to me when I needed a sounding board. Over the last 7 to 8 years, it has become a part of of my everyday vocabulary. I thank him for at least one thing, but it's never insincere and I am truly grateful for whatever he has done for me or for our family.  He does the same and it's really nice to feel appreciated.  I think we all feel a little better about ourselves or the things we do when someone notices and thanks us for it. Who will you thank today?
I bet your thank you will make a difference in someone's day.

"I'm sorry" is the other important phrase. I think this one is much, much harder. It forces you to be humble and to admit when you're wrong and no one wants to be wrong.  It can be a matter of pride and I remember in my younger years that I would not say I'm sorry, even if I should. Instead I would become defensive and try to justify myself when a simple and humble, "I'm sorry" would have sufficed.  I think I could have avoided a lot of hurt feelings and resentment if I had just said, "I'm sorry."  When I taught, I found that telling my students I'm sorry or telling them when I was wrong gave them more respect for me than if I had tried to hold onto my pride and not apologize.  It's a hard and long lesson, but I think I'm better for it.  My students have made me into a better person.

I'm definitely not perfect. I have a long list of friends and relatives that can tell you that I'm anything but perfect.  But despite my imperfections, they manage to overlook most of them and still accept me for who I am.  For that, I am grateful.  Over the last 4-5 years I have really working on the type of wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, in-law that I want to be.  It's not easy for this mama who is stubborn, opinionated, obstinate, judgmental, and critical....(I know a few of you are chuckling. It's okay. Yes, I am all of those things and I know it...now).  But I really have been working on being a better person.  On the flip side I am loyal, caring, and honest.

Speaking of imperfections, I blew it on Thanksgiving. Big time. Something had happened and I became upset with someone. I said things that I shouldn't have said.  I hurt her feelings. I realized it pretty quickly and sincerely apologized. Unfortunately, words hurt and are not easily forgiven.  She left that night hurt and I ended the night upset that I had hurt her.  I still haven't heard from her...

It seems like every time I take a step forward in being a better person, I put my foot in my mouth and take a ginormous step backwards.  Forgiveness is not an easy thing. Unfortunately, in my family it was not something that was given easily or often.  My side of the family holds grudges and we can hold them for a loooooooong time and freeze someone out pretty easily. Way too easily. If you've ever been on a receiving end of one of our grudges. I'm sorry. It's a terrible place to be.  I've been on the receiving end and it's pretty awful. Over the years my husband has taught me in his humble way how to forgive and I continue to learn from him.  I'd like to think I don't hold grudge anymore. It's unproductive and hurtful.

I try to recognize my faults and make up for them. With this most recent situation, I've sincerely apologized, and now I need to let time do its thing and heal the hurts. In the meantime I pray and wait for forgiveness...

Jamal Coates Article

I wanted to share a link about the young man I had once taught for anyone interested.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local-beat/Who-Was-Jamal-Coates-104344718.html

Remember to tell your loved ones how much you love them.

Peace.

In Memory of Jamal Coates

As a teacher, you may never know the impact you may have on a student. They rarely, if ever, come back to see you.  You might hear through the grapevine how they are doing.  It's better nowadays with Facebook. I've connected with a few of my former students.  I wait until they are in college before they accepting their "friend" request.

About a 6 weeks ago I was cleaning up after dinner when I heard a commercial clip about what would be in the news that night. It was the shooting of a 20-something young man. Unfortunately, you hear this quite often on the news, but when I heard the name I stopped. I stayed awake late that night to hear the story.

The story was that a young man was leaving a funeral with another young man. He was the passenger and while they were stopped two other men got out of another car and shot inside. The passenger was killed instantly and the driver went to the hospital.  The young man who was killed was Jamal Coates...a former student.

I didn't recognize Jamal from the pictures, but I did the math and the age would be about right, the name was spelled the same, and I knew that he had at one time lived in the DC area.  I did some research and found the name of someone who had mentored him the last few years. I Facebook messaged him and tried to determine if it was the same young man I had known 7 years before.  The mentor was helpful and thought it might be, and was going to get back to me. Unfortunately, I haven't heard from him yet. I decided to take it a little bit further and contact a former colleague who may have taught him, too. She just got back to me today and yes, it is the same person we both taught years ago.

My heart is so sad and heavy that this is the outcome for one of my former students.What I remember about him as an 8th-grader: he was learning to enjoy reading instead of looking at it is as a chore, he had a good sense of humor, he got along well with his classmates, he didn't like my class initially but when he moved out of the area and then came back, he requested me as a teacher again. He progressed well and I was proud of him.

As a young man I read in the papers that he had been in some trouble, but was working to change that. He left the country with a group of other teens to go to another country to teach kids how to play basketball. He was making positive changes in his life and he was mentoring others.  That sounds like the young man I knew.  I am so sad that his life ended so abruptly and at such a young age. I'm glad that I had the chance to be his teacher.

Rest in Peace, Jamal. I am proud of you.

Enjoying the Moment

I am guilty of doing one thing and thinking about the million of other things that I need/want to do.  I rarely take time to slow down and enjoy the moment because I'm thinking about some unfinished task.  I have been making a conscious effort to focus on one thing at a time even if I'm planning ahead.

It's especially hard around this time of year as we prepare to host Thanksgiving for our family, prepare for Advent and Christmas and not lose sight of the reason for the season, celebrate Hubby's birthday in January, and prepare for the baby's birth in early February.  I find that I'm constantly thinking about the state of my house and how I'm going to get it party ready for family for Thanksgiving; the gifts that still need to be bought, but I can't bring myself to buy because it's not Advent yet; and preparing Boogie's room to fit him and Buggy while the same time prepare the nursery for our new baby boy.  I feel like my to-do list is miles and miles long.  I think Hubby is feeling the pressure, too.  He's the chef behind Thanksgiving dinner and the foreman for any big projects around the house.

This Saturday, Hubby and I took a break from our to-do lists. We decided to take the kids to our local orchard for their free Open House.  Though when it was time for us to make our way there, it was hard to get moving. We were so tired from doing other tasks and it would have been so easy to hunker down and not leave.  However, we decided to go to the orchard and it was a great decision.  The day was sunny and gorgeous! Perfect for being outside. While at the orchard we tried their yummy hot apple cider, roasted marshmallows, took a hayride around the Christmas trees and strawberry patches, played in the haystacks, and enjoyed more roasted marshmallows.

The best part of our day is that we took our time. We weren't hurried or rushed. We enjoyed every moment and the kids loved it. My only regret is that we left the camera in the car and we didn't take any pictures. I loved the feeling of utter bliss. I'm so glad that we stopped to enjoy our day and not get caught up in the busyness of our lives.

As the holidays are swiftly approaching and we start to join the madness of the season...I hope that we all remember to stop and take a breath. I hope that we all remember that this is a time to enjoy being with family, friends, and all of our loved ones.  I hope that you are able to stop and enjoy this moment.  Peace be with you as you prepare for Thanksgiving and the holidays.

Counting My Blessings

Yesterday when I put the kids in the car to take Boogie to afternoon preschool, I noticed some things out of place. I quickly called Will and asked if had been looking for something in the van. The answer, "no."  As I buckled the kids in, I noticed more and more things out of place and all the little handy compartments were open.  I took a quick peek into the back of the van where I had some buckets of maternity clothes that my SIL loaned me and I noticed that one was opened and rifled through.

Someone had gotten into our van two nights ago and was looking for stuff. Fortunately, we don't keep anything of value in the van so only a couple of children's DVDs were taken. This really shook me up. For one, I think we live in fairly safe neighborhood. We live in a cul-de-sac and I know most of our immediate neighbors.  I make it a point to say hello when I see them and bake them cookies and give them a Christmas card in December.  We are also at the end of the development. You have to walk past several other cul-de-sacs in order to get to us.

Though two years ago on New Year's Day as we were leaving to go to Mass we found one of cars had been taken from the driveway.  Fortunately, we found it on another street. After Hubby had called it in, we decided to go through the neighborhood. We found it and when the police showed up we were able to show them where it was. When Hubby went with the officer to get the car, they happened to drive by another man clad in his pajamas standing in his driveway with a bewildered expression on his face talking on the phone. Apparently he had a better, newer car than ours and they took his instead.  Total bummer.

Anyway, even though I feel violated and a little shook up, I'm counting my blessings:

1. The car wasn't damaged.
2. There was nothing of value in the car (I had had a birthday check for my daughter that had been sitting in the van for weeks that I had just deposited on Monday; I sometimes forget to take the digital camera out of the car when we go to an event. I'm not worried about the camera so much as the memories that are on it. Fortunately, I had remembered to take it in.)
3. They only took two DVDs: Curious George and Finding Nemo.  I guess they didn't like March of the Penguins.
4.  They had inadvertently found the garage door opener, but didn't appear to use it. I looked in the garage and everything is still in the same place, it doesn't look like anything was taken. This is what scares me the most. They might have tried to get into the house.
5. As my sister-in-law pointed out, the van was still there in the morning.

We got by unscathed. However, I was up for about two hours early this morning and it had nothing to do with pregnancy insomnia. I kept listening for sounds around the house that might not belong. But despite feeling violated, I really feel blessed and feel as if God was watching out for us. They can have the DVDs!

Where did it Go?

Okay, I think I'm losing my mind...I'm definitely blaming pregnancy brain. I can't find anything!  I keep picking things up and putting them "away" only to find out that I can't find it later on. It's driving me nuts!!!!!

I knew I had swiss cheese brain, but now it's gotten worse. I realized it a month ago when my son brought home his weekly folder from school. I remember opening it, taking out the contents and looking at all of them.  I remember putting everything back and then setting the folder aside. Now I can't find it anywhere! I've torn up the house looking for it and it's definitely gone. No one knows where it is.  I had to ask his teacher for a new one! As a teacher I know what a pain that is!

Example #2: We netflix. If we can't stream from the Wii then we get our netflix by mail. We've been watching the series The Wire. Hubs and I love watching a series and I try to be diligent about mailing back the discs so that we have a new one when we're ready for it. Again, I brought in the mail and I recycled all the junk mail and put away the important mail.  I set down the netflix envelope. I had no idea where I put it. I looked in all the usual places (kitchen counter, beside the tv, upstairs beside the other tv) and it was no where to be found.  Hubs found it. You know where? In our junk drawer. (It's actually no longer a junk drawer but we still call it that). How? Why? Wha? I have no idea how it got there or why it was there. I would never put it there, but apparently I did and now I have amnesia. For the love of Pete!

Example #3:  Hubs was asked at work if we would be willing to adopt a nun for Christmas and provide a Christmas present for her this year.  It just so happens she is part of the order that provided a reception place for our daughter's baptism two years ago.  We agreed. Hubs brought home a list of her favorite things. I looked at it, I gave it to him to look at and now we can't find the sheet! Ugh! I want to start shopping for her and now I can't find her information. I can't even remember her name.

This is just getting ridiculous. My pregnancy brain has been bad, but never this bad.  Do you know that I set an alarm on my watch so that I don't get sidetracked and remember to pick up my son from preschool?  Now you do. I hope regain my senses, because I don't think my sanity can take any more of this! *sigh*

Brought to You by the Letter H

Today's post is brought to you by the letter H.

I think I've hit the 3rd trimester slump.  I was taken off restricted activity just in time to hit my slump. I'm not technically in my 3rd trimester yet, but will be in another 4 days. It doesn't matter. I'm tired.  Not as tired as my first trimester, but definitely tired and feeling heavy.  For those of you who thought I would overdo it because I'm off restriction you have nothing to worry about. Really. Though I do wonder how we're going to pull off hosting Thanksgiving dinner. I think I'm just going to have to break it down all next week to get everything done. Fortunately, Hubby does all the cooking. I'll be doing the cleaning. I can at least sit and rest when I'm tired and I can spread it out over the next week.

When anyone asks me how I'm feeling I say "HUGE!"  I'm finding it harder to put on my shoes and to get up from any sitting position easily. If I'm on the floor for any reason, forget it. I'm not getting up anytime soon.

So if you're wondering how I'm feeling. Think of the letter H as in: heavy, huge, and hippo.  I definitely feel like a hippo :)

Oh Where, Oh Where Did our Money go? Oh Where oh Where Can it Be?

Last night Hubby and I had a serious talk about our financial situation.  For the last three years (since I've become a SAHM) I have let him handle the money. It makes sense...he's better at budgeting, since we graduated from undergrad his career has always dealt with money, he's better at seeing the big picture, I'm horrible with numbers (I have a deep rooted fear about math and anything to do with it and to me finances=math), and I can't always see the big picture. Being happy at letting go of the responsibility of the home finances I have been seriously delinquent in knowing how we're spending our money.  Hubby takes care of the big stuff and I buy what I need for us, the kids, and other family members (food, clothing, gifts, etc.).

The first year that I was home full-time really stressed out Hubs because we lost a big chunk of our income. I swear I could hear his heart palpitations from a mile away when the issue of money came up.  The second year got better and he was less stressed, and he's much better now.  However, because I didn't want to stress him out and he didn't want me to automatically consider going back to work (because neither of us wants that right now) we kind have silently agreed not to talk about money.  Not a good idea!

Don't get me wrong. We are not in dire straits.  We can afford our bills and fortunately because Hubby has been so diligent we definitely do not have any credit card debt. But a couple of things came up over the last two weeks that has had me wondering, where does our money really go?  What can we truly afford?

In my opinion, we are probably living a little beyond our means and we could certainly tighten up. Last night we spent two hours looking at where our money goes. (Hubby likes to geek it up and had made a table with graphs and charts. Being a visual learner, it works for me.).  We talked about where we could make changes and where we need to be more aware of how we're spending.  This was a good exercise for us.  It made us have an open discussion about our finances and what we can do together to help alleviate some of the stress.

I write about this because I have been struggling with how I think I contribute to the family.  I think this is one way for me to once again be proactive in the family income by looking at what we can truly afford and where we need to take a break.  At the same time I think it helps to alleviate some of the stress on Hubby.  He feels the need to protect me and to make sure that I do all the things that I want to do, including staying home full-time with the kids.  His protective instinct has inadvertently given me a false sense of security and kind of blind faith that we were better than fine financially.  I love my husband for wanting to provide for me and not wanting me to worry.  But I also need to feel that I contribute. It's important to me and how I view myself as a financially contributing member of this family.

I think finding areas where we can save will provide us more "income." I relish the challenge and will take it full-on.  First up, less dining out. I think I can cut at least 10% of our dining expenses in the first month...let's see if I'm right!

Too much?

A week ago I received the good news that the placenta has moved up and that I am off of restricted activity. I haven't spotted in about 6 weeks and I haven't had contractions in two weeks.

I celebrated this week by picking up my beloved children (even though I still have to limit it and I really shouldn't be picking them up), shopping at Costco with the family (Hubby picked up all the heavy stuff, but it's the most walking I've done in over 2 months), going on a date night with Hubby and probably staying out later than I should and walking more once again, celebrating my SILs birthday by going out to dinner and then working together to prep for our other SILs baby shower (we worked for about 3-4 hours and I left at midnight and got home at 1am), cleaning and organizing the house on Saturday (think that the nesting instincts are kicking in?), and finally celebrating our newest niece who is due to be born in the next two weeks by co-hosting and attending a baby shower for my SIL M.

Ummmmmmm, I'm exhausted!  I think I was so thrilled to be allowed to do much more than I have that I've overdone it. Ugh!  I think I have to realize my limitations and pull back.  But I was so excited! Okay, okay, I now know my limitations and I'll still do what I can do, but take a break when it becomes too much.  13 weeks to go!

Quilting Bee

I have found over the last few years that I really like craft projects. I like working with my hands and making things. There's something about it that totally de-stresses me.  I have no qualms working by myself. I love a mug of tea next to me, a book on CD playing in the background, and my crafting supplies scattered about me on the table.  I really enjoy making, creating, and being productive.

Twice this week I had the opportunity to craft with friends.  Both times I think we spent over 3 hours crafting and talking. I really enjoyed myself. I found myself doing something productive and at the same time talking with my friends and catching up with them.

While at times I like being a solitary person and doing things at my own pace, I have found that working with others, is like an old-fashioned quilting bee.  Last night I spent time with one of my SILs to prep a project that we will be doing for another of our SILs for her baby shower. While we measured and cut pieces of fabric for our baby shower project we covered topics from religion, politics, raising children (joys and challenges), our families, babies (especially as there are 3 of us in the extended family who are pregnant), and the list goes on and on.  I stayed much later than I had intended, but I also work a lot slower than she does as I measure everything half a dozen times (and still get it wrong) and found that my pregnancy boobs and belly get in the way.  But as we worked we chatted and it was a nice relaxing evening. Thanks, Sis!

I think I need more quilting bees in my life.  I've posted in investing in my family, investing time with my Hubs, and I think sometimes I need to invest in myself. I mentioned it before, but I forget in the chores of the day and trying to do things for my family. I found that the crafting projects I did with my friend and SIL was a great way to invest in myself. We talked about things that are important to us, relaxed, and had a good time.

If anyone is interested in doing a craft day with me, let me know :) I'm always up for good conversation and a fun project. Cheers!