Um, Did I Say March, I meant May...

That's right, May. My son's preschool confirmation paperwork is due MAY 7th, not March. I.Am.An.Idiot.   I must have looked at the paperwork due date a dozen times Saturday night and another half dozen yesterday.  When I turned in the paperwork today (oh, don't forget I sent an e-mail late Saturday night pretty much begging them to not give away my spot), they kindly (and really, they were very nice about it) that I was very early and the paperwork isn't due until May 7th.  When I came home to check there it was in bold: MAY 7th.  I need a second wife. Preferably one that has better vision and a keeps a cool head in all situations...

Family Dinner

My husband and I both grew up having family dinners.  I remember growing up (more specifically in one of our duty stations in Maryland...dad was in the Navy) that we would have dinner around 4:30.  Dad would get home, change out of his uniform, walk the dog, and Mom would have dinner on the table for all of us the moment he was back from taking the dog out.  My husband remembers family dinner being important in his family, too. He is one of five children and he has some fun stories about them being together for dinner.

Having dinner as a family was never something we really discussed, it was just something we did once we had kids.  Being newly married and both of us in grad school we spent many a dinner in front of the tv late at night before having our first born. Once our son was old enough to join us for dinner in his high chair, we moved to the dining room table (biggest eating area in our town house). When we moved, I was excited that we would have a kitchen area to eat in and also a separate dining area for when we have family over for formal dinners such as Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Family dinners give us a routine and give us an opportunity for us to catch up on each other's day.  My husband always asks our son what he has done that day. Our son gets to share all of his exploits. The baby watches us from the other end of the table while getting food in her mouth...as well as her hair, her bib, her face, her legs, and any other once clean surface :)  I start to unwind because my husband is home and we start the transition of him taking over the kids so that I have a break.  It's so important to us and it's not a question if we will sit down for dinner...it's what time will Daddy be home to make sure dinner is on the table on time.  (While my husband has a job with relatively steady hours, he is an attorney and sometimes he has to finish a last minute memo, or file charges, or simply, metro is late again.) The sooner I have dinner on the table, the more time my husband has to play with the kids after dinner and before bed.

If you read my last post, Deadlines Pass and Discombobulation Ensues, you know that I felt off all week. When my husband and I spoke about this he reminded me that we haven't down as a family in our own home for about a week.  I ran through our week and he was right:

Sunday: Bonfire dinner with our best friends. Kids ran around and played while adults chatted and ate.
Monday: Kids and I at a birthday party while Hubby stayed late to work. He ate leftovers at home.
Tuesday: Hubby worked late, kids and I had leftovers and a light dinner, hubby ate in front of LOST
Wednesday: Swim classes. L. ate at grandparents' house, McD's for W., Hubby & I ate in shifts
Thursday:  Ordered pizza for family. Kids ate with babysitter, I ate on the go before going to Totswap. Hubby ate when he got home.
Friday:  Soup Supper at Church. We ate together, but different atmosphere and son played with new friends
Saturday:  Celebrated our Goddaughter's birthday. Ate dinner with friends...as a family, but two families together with a total of 5 kids...not a lot of family bonding going on...just trying to keep it together. Though it was fun to catch up with our friends.
Sunday: Sit down dinner as a family, my parents joined us.

My husband said that we were off our routine. And it's usually at dinner time that he asks me what I have going on for the next day or for the week. I tell him. He usually doesn't remember, but it helps me to keep track of what's going on, and then when I tell him again later he sort of recalls hearing about it before. It's a system that works for us...not the best system, but it works...sort of.

Our week is not as busy as the last two weeks. Thank goodness! Though Thursday will be tricky between preschool, my daughter's check-up for an ear infection and the booster to her H1N1, my son's 15-minute singing concert for which my MIL will join us, lunch with Grandma (my MIL), my son's first T-ball practice.  Too many things in one day, but they couldn't be helped. But fortunately the rest of the week is relatively low key.

I'm off to turn in the late paperwork to confirm my son's preschool placement for next year. Wish me luck! I hope I haven't lost my space!

Deadlines Pass and Discombobulation Ensues

For the last week I have felt off...by like a week. I have missed deadlines and dates, and I have felt like that I am very much off my A-game.  I'm usually very good at remembering what needs to be done, where we need to be, and pretty much what needs to happen hour by hour. This week, no such luck.

In my post, "Busy Days Ahead" I shared a bit of what my week was going to look like. That was two weeks ago and I think I'm still living in that week.  First of all, I invited friends with preschoolers to join us March 12th for the soup supper our Church was doing specifically for preschoolers. Monsignor was making yummy soup and then speaking to the kids about the meaning of Lent. Then we were going to listen to a child-friendly version of the Stations of the Cross.   For one of the parents, I don't have an e-mail address or FB friend status.  I have her cell phone number but didn't feel like texting all of the information in 160 words or less.  I ended up looking her up on FB and sending her message, because you don't need to be FB friends to do that. (She's the parent of one of my son's classmates in preschool).  Well in writing to her on Wednesday, March 10th I told her about the info. I forgot to include the date and sent another e-mail saying it was for March 12th and how it wasn't THIS week but NEXT week. Well guess what...March 12th was last week.  See? I'm off by a week.

Example #2:  I vaguely remembered that we were sent a letter letting us know that my son was accepted 4 days next year at the local preschool.  Yay! I also vaguely remember that the due date for sending in the paperwork to confirm our acceptance was due relatively soon. How about it was due 2 days after receiving the letter and I just remember yesterday! Again, off by a week. It was due LAST week.  I freaked out because it is freakin' hard to get kids into preschool. There are applications to be filled out , fees to be paid, lotteries to attend to get a good number for getting your first choice or to even get into the school.  I frantically tried to leave a message with the person in charge while our family was doing the 2 hour drive to my Goddaughter's 5th birthday party.  Unfortunately, I couldn't do it from my phone and I ended up sending a midnight e-mail to the person in charge when I got home. Of course she isn't going to check her e-mail on a Sunday, but I still wanted it sent ASAP. I plan on going in first thing Monday morning to drop off the paperwork and pray that I haven't lost my spot.  I'm also praying that because all of the snow we had last month, and knowing that the acceptance letter was two weeks late in arriving, that I'll be given a grace period. I was also surprised that no one called to ask if I really wanted to give up my spot. My husband thinks that the school hasn't finished processing all the paperwork, but he also thought the last lottery hasn't happened yet (which it has...2 weeks ago!). Sigh...

Example #3: Sitting in Church today I realized that we hadn't been in to clean the Church in a while. My family volunteers to clean the Church one Saturday a month.  I had the sneaking suspicion that we were supposed to be there yesterday. So during one of the readings I sneaked a glance at my "organizer" (lot of good that's been doing me this week!) and yes, once again I have missed another date. We were supposed to be cleaning the Church yesterday and we missed it.  It was supposed to be this Saturday, not next! Again, off by a week.

So here I sit in discombobulation. My house looks like it's been hit by a tornado and I should really spend some time straightening, organizing, and spring cleaning.  My calendar is overly full and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I should start re-priortizing, but I feel guilty (see Edvard Munch post to understand where that comes into play). And, none of my clothes fit...the one upside of that is that I need smaller sizes...the downside, I really can't spend a lot of money on a new wardrobe.  Lastly, I just need some sleep! I have been running on empty for, well I guess it's been about a week now.

A Week of Fitness Firsts

Since November I have been on a mission to lose the baby weight from my last baby. Between November 1st and January 1st. I lost 16 pounds and made it to my weight loss goal...one pound less than I was when I became pregnant with L. I was really excited!

Now I'm on a mission to lose the rest of the baby weight of baby #1 who will be 4 at the end of the month. I have about 6 1/2 pounds to go to my goal weight of being 1 pound less than I was when I became pregnant with him.  If I can lose the rest of that baby weight I will be ecstatic. While on this mission I decided that I want to be at my healthy weight according to the BMI...that means I have to lose 23 1/2 pounds. I gave myself until May 1st which is creeping up on me.  I totally slacked in January and February. I didn't gain any more weight, but I didn't lose any, either.

My husband was trying to be supportive with Weight Loss #1 by promising a new laptop if I lost the weight. He knows extrinsic motivation works for me and he was right! I love my new Macbook!

My new "prize" will be a Kindle.  He gave me until May 16th...I want to try to do it before then.

So here it goes. I go to the gym 3-5 a week.  If I'm really motivated and if there is any time on the weekends I'll go all 7 days. One of my crazy rules is that if I don't lose any weight from one month to the next I'll add a gym class. So far I'm taking Trek, Bodystep (2 times a week), and Abs & Stretch. On my off days from taking a class, I'll run on the treadmill at the gym and lift some weights.

So this week I tried my first Spin Class.  The instructor for my Trek class (which is a treadmill class) also teaches Spin. I spoke to her about it and she told me to come in to give it a shot. Holy Crap! I think I broke my butt.  My bottom was sore for 2 days afterwards. Those seats are hard! She kept telling me to do what I can do and adjust...I thought...really? I'm just biking this should be fine. Within the first few minutes I could feel my quads getting tight and sore. Okay, not so easy. By the end I was shutting my eyes praying for the class to be over. I did what I could and basically held on for dear life.  I think I'll try it again next week :)

This week I also tried a Body Pump Class. This is a class where you use a light barbell and some added weights. It's strengthening class.  I'm still sore.  I'm such a klutz that I was afraid that I would whack someone near me with my barbell. Fortunately it was a small class and we had plenty of room.  When I introduced myself to the instructor and told her it was my first time I asked her what I needed, she replied, "strength, willpower, motivation....oh and a bench, 3 risers, a barbell, and 2lb., 5lb., and 7lb. weights to put on your bar." If I stick with this class it will replace my Abs & Stretch class. I'll see how it goes!

Both classes are at a time when my son is in preschool. This is another first.  I usually leave the time open to run errands (because it's easier with one kid than with two), or go home and clean the house while the baby naps.  But I have been finding that if we go to the gym after preschool, that I am so tired that we don't do anything else. We go home, have lunch, play a little bit, the baby goes down for a nap, my son watches his favorite show, and then goes down for quiet time, and then I'm taking a nap or I'm working on my to-do list.  I can't get a lot done while my son is in his 2 1/2 hour class. I can get the grocery shopping done and maybe one other errand. If I go home to clean the house, I usually end up on the couch watching the last of the Today Show. So here I am trying to be more productive, maybe I'll get more done after preschool while losing the weight, too!

Move Over, Edvard Munch, W. J. is on the Scene

The other day my son and I walked into his bedroom to get him ready for his nap.  The scene that greeted me were huge beautiful crayon swirls on his walls next to his bed.  I think my jaw hit the ground. My son gave a nervous giggle and started jumping up and down. As my eyes traveled from one circle to another, I gasped. It was then that my son realized how bad it really was and just started crying. I think I gasped five separate times: 2 large circles, drawings on his dinosaur poster, crayon decorations on his border, and then the lines below the border.

My son's reaction was the wide open mouthed wail, red face, and he kept trying to shut my lips, because my mouth was still open in shock.  Because he was standing on his bed, my head was around chest height, he grabbed my head and pressed it to his chest begging me to not talk. Mind you, I hadn't said a word.  It was comical, the whole head to the chest thing was right out of a movie.  He just wailed pathetically.  I have to admit it took all I had to not laugh at him.  I know a little Magic Eraser will help take the crayon off the wall, at least I hope it does!

When I finally spoke I asked him when he did it. He said he couldn't remember. Since we were at a birthday party the day before and he didn't come home until the evening and he was fast asleep when he was placed in his bed we think he worked on his mural sometime the next morning or when he was supposed to be napping.  I told him he had to tell his father and he just melted.  Unbeknownst to him I knew that my husband would laugh and think it's great. He's been wondering why William hasn't attempted it yet.  Please know that my husband is very creative and is an artist himself (in his spare time).   I'm sure that he spent many a day as a young boy drawing where he wasn't supposed to.

I put on my best disappointed face and told him to get into bed for his nap.  He asked for his favorite stuffed animal, Chester, who was downstairs. I told him that I wasn't going to get it, but he was welcome to get it himself. My son wailed and flung the comforter over his head as he burrowed deep under the covers.  Again, I did not forbid him having Chester, but I wasn't going to get it for him. I think the guilt over the crayon mural made my son stay put.

Throughout this whole ordeal I never once raised my voice. I may have used a stern voice, but no yelling involved.  His punishment was to tell his father, clean the walls (which we'll do later this week), and no video games until the walls are clean. He's really into video games right now I thought this would add a little oomph to the punishment.  After his "quiet time" (because he didn't take a nap) he did ask if I was going to send him away and asked to where I was sending him. For the record, I never told him that I would send him away.

I found that the shocked face along with dramatic gasps was more effective than raising my voice and yelling at my son.  Thank you, thank you. As my SIL (sister-in-law) wrote on my FB status:  "It sounds like he has a well developed guilt complex, your disappointment and helping in the clean up may be punishment enough."  Ahhh, yes the guilt complex. Well-honed from learning it from my Asian mother. Guilt was an effective tool in punishing me and to this day I often feel guilty for doing something or not doing something.  I'm a sucker and you can almost get me to do just about anything because I will feel guilty if I don't.  Asian guilt is quite the tool.

I'm also reading a book: Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation.  It's a tongue-in-cheek book written by comedian Elizabeth Beckwith about child rearing and is not to be taken seriously...sort of. HA!  It was given to me by a friend who's brother gave it to her saying this was how they were raised. She passed it on to me knowing a little bit about my background. It's funny, because it's true ;)

ps: I noticed the other day that my son's mural really looked more like Munch's work instead of Dali, Picasso, or Van Gogh. I noticed that one of the swirls, when looking at it from a certain angle, looked like a long head, with wide eyes and mouth, kind of like "The Scream" (is that right?) by Munch. You think he is trying to tell me something?

Living in the Moment

This month my son will turn 4 years old. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. I am grateful that I decided 2 years ago to take a break from teaching and to spend more time with him.

Not only does my son turn 4, but so does his best friend.  Four years ago, my best friend and I were pregnant with our first babies who were born 3 weeks apart.  Now our little ones are turning 4 and they have so much to share with us. I am constantly amazed by how intuitive and observant my son is...especially since he is a ball of crazy energy most of the time! How does he have time to be observant when he is running around so much?  But he is.

Lately my son has been saying, "I don't want to be 4! Can you make me not turn 4?"  What, you don't want to turn 4? What are you talking about?  Well come to find out, I have been saying things like:

 "You don't need my help putting on your shoes, you know how to do it, and you're almost 4. You Should be doing it on your own."

"Put on your jacket. Yes, you know how to do it, you're almost 4."

"Speak like a big boy. You are almost 4." (This is when he uses baby talk because his 16 month old sister is still learning how to say her words. He sees that she gets what she wants like milk or crackers when she signs or says basic words.)

What I thought was motivating ended up backfiring on me. My son equated being 4 with having more responsibility and he's not down with it at all. Why be 4 when being 3 means you still get help? Not bad thinking for an almost 4 year old :)  So my son's living in the moment of being 3 and trying to soak it all up before he turns 4 at the end of the month.

His best friend is also living in the moment. We went to her birthday party yesterday.  She got some new outfits and she was concerned that they all be size 4, well because she is 4.  She can't wear size 3 anymore because she's not 3, and she's not 5 yet, so size 5 is out of the question. She has to wear size 4.  It's as if she was saying...don't hold me back, I'm growing up, but don't make me grow up too fast...I'm 4!  She's living in the moment.

Too many times I'm doing something and wishing I was doing something else, but if I change tack, I wish I was doing the original activity, because I really need to get it done.  I feel like I never live in the moment, but always thinking of what's to come.  It's not a good way to live. I have a fantastic life and yes I have a lot to do being a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM): being cruise director for the family's activities, running errands to for the supplies to keep our family dressed, fed, and to do the activities we want to do, point person for everything going on, plus being there 100% for my husband and kids, not to mention the activities or committees I have joined so that I can continue to be well-rounded, oh, and the crafts I enjoy doing!

So I will take a page out of Boogie and his best friend's book and live in the moment. Get the things done that need to get done, but enjoy life, too! Thanks for the reminder, my dear 4 year olds!

Crap, we're stuck

Those are the words my 3 year old said when we were stuck in the craziness called the Costco parking lot.

We were trying to get out and my son say, "Crap, we're stuck."
Me: "what did you say?"
Son: "Crap, we're stuck."
Me: "Where did you hear crap?"
Son: You said it a long time ago, Mommy.

Flashback to the 90's PSA where the kid is rolling or smoking a joint and the father catches him and says "Where did you learn that?" and the kid says, "I learned it from watching you!" in the angsty teenage voice.

Back to current situation and to myself in my head...crap, my son heard me say crap.

Me: Sweetheart, that's not a really nice word and Mommy should not have said it.  I'm sorry, please don't
        use it again.
Son:  Why Mommy. Why isn't it a nice word?
Me: It isn't, I'm sorry. Please don't say it again. When did you hear me say it?
Son: A long time ago, Mommy.

And then he starts singing, "Ohhhhh, I want crap for Christmas. Ohhhh, nothing more will do. Ohhhh, I want crap for Christmas, My Christmas wish'll come true."

If you are from Baltimore you might recognize the song, "I want crabs for Christmas."
That's right, crabs not crap!

I started laughing and said, "Oh, it's crabs, (emphasizing the "b"), not crap. Crabs are fine. Mommy loves crabs. They are a type of seafood. It's I want crabs for Christmas. Not crap. CRABS.

My son is adamant it's crap and I correct him again. And then he sings, "Oh I want crabs and lobsters for Christmas. Oh, I want crabs and lobsters for dinner. Oh, nothing more will do. Oh, I want crabs and lobsters for dinner. My Christmas wish'll come true...."

Whew...dodged a bullet there. I think...

Busy Weeks Ahead

I was looking over my calendar because we were invited to another March birthday and I was trying to schedule a time that I can see my friend's new baby. In looking at the calendar I realized that I have no free days!  When did my week become as busy or busier than my weekends?

As a general rule of thumb I try to limit our family to one thing a weekend. I do this to save our sanity or otherwise we would start the week exhausted. I got the idea from one of my brothers-in-law (BIL) who was tired of being on the go every weekend. However, we have a huge family and usually we have at least one event a month to celebrate with them. Sometimes more.  Last year I think we made it to Baltimore 6 weeks in a row for a family event. It would have been 7 but we finally had to say to one of them.

I have started scheduling my son's soccer classes for the week so that we would have our Saturdays free or maybe I should say free-er because almost no Saturdays are ever free.  I recently scheduled swim classes for the kids in preparation for summer.  Unfortunately I could not schedule the kids on the same day and had to settle for two different days.  My son is scheduled for 5:30 Wednesday nights and my daughter for 10:25 Saturday mornings. It's only for 6 weeks and through the Rec. Department.  I knew that Wednesdays would be a little tricky with my daughter being 16 months old and me not wanting to spring for a babysitter every week. My gracious parents have agreed to watch her for 1 1/2 to 2 hours every week until my husband can pick her up.

So here is my schedule for next week (But I'm starting with Saturday, the beginning of my weekend!)  This does not include my son going to preschool, going to the gym to work-out, or the multiple errands I have to run (especially to get all the gifts needed for those March birthdays!!!).

Saturday--husband hair cut, daughter swim class, birthday party (I had to cancel otherwise it would be crazy busy!)

Sunday--Church, church meeting for me, birthday party for my son's best friend.

Monday--Birthday party for son's preschool friend

Tuesday--LOST (does this count? My husband and I shuffle the kids off to bed a little more quickly so that we can have date night on the couch watching LOST. I don't schedule anything else on Tues. nights for this very reason).

Wednesday--Son's Swim Class

Thursday--Tot Swap with a friend (gotta get a babysitter)

Friday--Family Soup and Stations at our Church

Saturday--Clean the Church, daughter's swim class, birthday party for our Goddaughter

Sunday--Church, date luncheon???? (we're also trying to fit in a date night once a month, though this one might not work for us. Unfortunately it's the only date available, not including the Wedding we're attending at the end of the month...does going to a wedding constitute a date night if the kids are not there?)

So there it is in a nutshell. We have an activity scheduled everyday and the following week is starting to look the same!  I have started getting up earlier every morning so that I have time for a morning devotional and blogging. It gives me a few minutes before the kids get up and I feel like I'm on the go. Speaking of which, my son and daughter have woken up 30 minutes earlier than usual, so here I go again!

Birthday Invite Etiquette?

My son's 4th birthday is coming up at the end of the month.  I have already decided on the theme (dinosaurs), found some cool and fun decorations through Oriental Trading Company, and have made the invitations. The only thing that I have not finalized is the guest list.

 Last year we had well over 75 people at my son's birthday.  Fortunately our house can hold a large number of people and we have a big backyard. Too bad it rained last year and we had to have most of the party inside. This year it looks like Mother Nature is still playing hardball and we'll have some snow still left on the ground for this year's party.

Last year's party was great, but a little overwhelming for most guests.  For us, 75 is doable, tiring, but doable.  My husband comes from a large family. Each of his four siblings are married with children. My kids are 2 of the 17 grandchildren on my husband's side. A regular family gathering with his immediate family and my parents is 31 people. So no matter what a family party is going to be big, what's another 40 people?

This year my husband asked me to limit the guest list to 50 people...including his family. That leaves me with the ability to invite only 16 more people to my son's birthday.  Not a big deal to some, but a big deal to me. I hate leaving people out. I always invite everybody and I'm always shocked that we get more yes's than no's.  Hence, 75 people coming to a 3 year old's birthday party.  If you've never been to a party where the guest of honor has 15 cousins, it's a bit overwhelming. Some of last year's guests stayed on the outskirts and commented on our large family. We're so used to it, it doesn't even faze us anymore.

March seems to be the birthday month for most of son's friends. We have already been invited to 5 other birthday parties and I'm already having to decline the invitation to one because we can't fit it all in. Here's the thing...I can't extend the same invitation to all of them and invite them to my son's birthday so do I: a) leave it to just family? or b) invite a very small group of friends and realize that I might be hurting someone's feelings because I can't invite them?

Option C would be to have a separate party for my son's friends...but it still means that I'm preparing a party for 75 people, but in two different groups, more work, and more time.  I'm just not ready to do option C until my son is kindergarten. Is that ridiculous?

There's my dilemma have a party for 50 or if I added everyone up I think I'm now up to around 90.  Any advice for birthday invite etiquette?

Driving Around in My Automobile...

Except, my baby wasn't beside me at the wheel. It was just me and I was driving to a bridal shower for a dear friend.  I had gotten directions with the invitation, but when I RSVP'd I was told that I might also want to mapquest directions because they were a little tricky.  After looking at Mapquest I saw that it would take me 20 minutes to get to the shower. I even left early enough to give me some time to get lost since I hadn't been there before.  Over an hour later, I was still lost and running out of gas. To make matters worse, I had left my cell phone at home and couldn't mapquest directions from my new location. It was awful! I drove up the road, I drove down the road. The two sets of directions I had did not match and had me turning this way and that to find a road I would never find because lo and behold, the sign was down.

When I finally stopped at a gas station, I asked the lady next to me about street names. She said it was a new part of town and didn't know the streets very well and suggested I speak to the gas attendant. I went inside and asked him the same question. Same answer. He even said that his map wouldn't be any good because it was a new part of town and wasn't on the maps yet. Great, just great.  However, the woman was able to get me to the signless road and from there I was able to get to the shower.  The surprise shower.  Yup, a surprise shower.  Of course by the time I got there the bride-to-be was already there. I was more than 45 min. late, but I did make it and she was glowing and beautiful the whole time. She laughed at my story and said it was just what have happened to her. And she's right. I remember when she was driving me to my wedding we were thrown off by a truck that had lost it's load of watermelons right in front of us.  She swerved, we detoured, and we still made it to the wedding on time.

That's life isn't it? Driving around in circles only to find out that what we are looking for is within easy reach?  How often do we give up because it's just too hard, maybe not worth it?  The whole time I was driving around I was less than 5 minutes away from my destination. I thought about giving up, going home, and e-mailing the hostess and the bride-to-be about the situation and finding another time to drop off the present to my friend. But, J.B. is a really good friend. She was in my wedding 8 1/2 years ago and while I don't get a chance to see her very often, she is still my dear friend and I wanted to be there for her celebration.

When I was remembering our drive to my wedding, it reminded me that she just found another way to go when we were stopped by a bunch of rolling fruit.

Moral: Keep going, don't give up. It's probably right under your nose. Sometimes you have to swerve, take a detour, or go down an unknown road, but in the end you'll find what you're looking for.