Be Amazed

Last weekend we went to visit my husband's aunt for a housewarming get together.  I love spending time with our extended family and I love any time that my kids get to spend time with any of their cousins.

While we were there my 16 year old nephew was sharing card tricks to the range of 3-12 year old cousins who were in attendance.  I happened to pass through to check on JellieBean when Buggy asked him to show me his card trick.  I dutifully sat down and gave him my utmost attention.  He did his card trick and I immediately let out a, "Whoah! That's cool!" He looked at me a little doubtfully at first, but there was no denying my sheer enjoyment.  He leaned back and said, "That's the reaction I wanted."  He waved towards his younger cousins and said, "They just sat there. They weren't amazed."  And his cousins nodded seriously and said, "Yeah. Now show her another one." They were just as entertained by my reaction.

My nephew showed me another card trick and was pleased by my reaction. He said that I was the audience he wanted to have and we made deal that he would learn a few new ones and he would show them to me at the next big family gathering. And it struck me, "Be amazed."  I think that phrase could be said about any of the simple pleasures in life. As I read through past posts on my blog I notice that the common thread is about time passing us by too quickly. I am almost trying to hold onto time, but it slips through like water in between by fingers.  I can't catch it and I can't hold on to it. But I can enjoy it while I have it.

The littles quickly figured out the card trick and offered to show me the secret and I declined.  I didn't want to know. I wanted to be "amazed." I spend so much of my life trying to coordinate and organize my family of six that most of the time I don't take the time or feel that I have the time to be amazed. I only see my to do list and I keep pushing through.

One of the neat things about having more than one child and especially having four is that by the time the next one comes around you are a little more confident in your parenting abilities that you can absolutely enjoy the time you have with your kids. Or if you have one kid, as time goes on you realize, "You've got this" and you can relax and enjoy time with your kid and not worrying about every little thing.  I have a friend who makes the most of every minute she has with her kids. They are always going on adventures even if it's to the little beach by their house. They are looking at seashells, little creatures, enjoying the feel of sand or water between their toes.  She clutches to those small moments in time because when she at work, she has to be 100% percent on the job as a labor and delivery nurse and in that job, time is of the essence. I have another friend who works mad hours and I scroll through her instagram pictures of her time at the park, out for a meal, or out for a run with her little one.  And there are times I feel like I should be doing more of that; Just enjoying time with the kiddos and to be amazed at our surroundings and the new skills they have and want to share with me.

Peter reminded me to "be amazed" with the small pleasures.  As I sit here waiting for my JellieBean to be released from preschool, I am enjoying the clicking of the keys as I type, I'm watching the falling leaves outside my window, and I am enjoying the contented feeling of drinking a rare hot mug of tea.  I don't have to be anywhere immediately. I can take a breath and reflect. My preschooler's advice might be the best one given today, "Enjoy your time with Daddy while I'm at preschool." Even at three years old she has unlocked the secret to happiness: "Enjoy your time."

So as we hurtle through the weekend and all the activities it holds: What will amaze you?

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.  Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun." Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NIV)

Slowing Down

Oh, how I wish I would talk to my younger self, 11+ years and 4 babies ago, sitting with that brand new baby and say, "Nothing matters, but spending time with your little one.  He'll sleep through the night. He'll potty train. He'll learn to dress himself."  Here I am with "baby" number four and she isn't really a baby anymore. She decided at 18 months that she wanted to potty train and before her third birthday she successfully potty trained, mostly from her own doing  She's also dressing herself and getting into her seat at the kitchen table all by herself.  Where did the time go?  As I look ahead to next year and considering preschool programs, I find myself slowing down.  And the more I want to slow down, the faster the time goes. I feel like that's the theme for this blog.  Time just gets faster the more I want to slow it down and #babiesdontkeep.

When baby #1 came around I was so unprepared. Of course I read all the baby books and took the nursing class and the infant classes.  I had been around babies.  I babysit all through high school and even a little through college. But nothing, nothing, prepared me what I was in for.  The sleepless nights, crying babies who couldn't be soothed, the Aspergers/autism diagnosis for one my children, the joy I felt when they called me by name the first time, the exhaustion I felt when they don't stop calling my name while I'm in the bathroom. 

Now, with baby #4 I know what to expect. By the time she came around, I knew that she could sleep in the same room with us in a co-sleeper and we'd both sleep better. I knew that switching to formula for her to gain weight was not the end of bonding because she needed more than nursing.  I knew that she'd eventually potty-train and probably before I was ready. And I knew that she'd be on the go and that I'd never catch up once she started walking.  And now all I want to do is savor every cuddle.  On a recent trip to a crafts store to pick up materials for a project, Beanie decided that she wanted to push the cart up and down the aisle.  Nine years ago, I would have been frazzled with 2 kids under 3 and there is no way I would have let my 3 year old push the cart.  I also probably wouldn't be leisurely wandering up and down the aisles of a crafts store looking for materials for a project that I wanted to do. 

It's always easier to do things for our kids. Put their shoes on, put on their jackets, hold their backpacks, push them in the stroller so they aren't walking ever so slowly while we are in a mad rush to get to school on time.  My husband has always been so much better than I have been with teaching the kids to become independent.  He taught the first three kids how to dress themselves. He taught the older two how to get their own breakfast cereal in the morning and how to cook oatmeal in the microwave. And I am grateful.  He helped me by teaching our children how to do things for themselves. He was the youngest of five and learned how to be independent. Like in any large family, his siblings helped him and he learned to do things on his own. I came from a small family and my mom graciously did a lot of things for me.  It wasn't until I lived on my own in college that I learned to do laundry and how to cook.  And I could only make about 3 meals when I got married. Fortunately, I've learned a few more since then.

And as I sit here contemplating that the last one started preschool today and that I started writing this post 9 months ago, I have not slowed down too much. In fact not only haven't I slowed down, but neither has time.  I'm sitting here feeling a little guilty that I am going to sit and take time to write and work on some personal goals. I have exactly 90 minutes to do that. Once Beanie gets home from preschool it will be business as usual: chores, errands, making dinner, coordinating the family calendar, and the usual to-do list.  But this 90 minutes is mine to slow down, take stock, reflect, and renewal. #thisis40

Proverbs 16:9  In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.