Friday night she was helping me edit a piece that I had written for something else. As she read it she made the observation: when you decided to become a stay-at-home mom you tackled motherhood much in the same way you tackled your job. Always trying to do more than you need to.
As she's known me for 13 years and we've vacationed at least 10 days a year together for at least 8 of them, I'd say she knows me pretty well. I'm very type-A and I have great expectations for myself and the things that I do, including parenting.
With this pregnancy I had great aspirations to make it to the gym at least 5 days a week, continue my TREK and Spin classes, stay fit, and not gain a horrible amount of weight like I did with the last two pregnancies. I also planned to sign up the kids for after school activities like soccer and dance classes. Get all the things on my to-do list accomplished while the kids were sleeping/napping, and keep up the go-go-gadget life that I intended while my son was in school.
Um, yeah. Life had other plans and I have been put on restricted activity this pregnancy. This truly frustrated me. I had already had severe exhaustion the first trimester (and yes, I truly forgot what it was like with the two pregnancies) and barely had gotten anything accomplished. Then in the beginning of the second trimester I was placed on restricted activity. I had to realize that I would not be getting as many things done as I had originally planned. When a trip to Target or the mall makes it difficult to walk around and I'm having cramping, then yeah, I really need to sit back and relax.
I hate being (what I consider) a burden to my family and friends. Although if any of them were in this situation I would be the first one to tell them to follow doctor's orders and relax. I would also extend any help that I could. I know this is what my friends and family are doing. I know that my friend D. is coming down once a week to give me a break and rest. I know that his wife A. coming down for an entire weekend while my husband was away is for the same reason. In retrospect I would have had a very difficult weekend if she had not been here and I am grateful. I know that the baby's health is way more important than baby weight and that yes, I will lose the baby weight, and no it won't take me four and a half years to do it because I now know better. I'm only frustrating my friends and family by being so hard-headed and that graciousness is a much better virtue.
So I sit and: read books on the couch with my children, become my proficient in my crocheting as I'm about to mail off the fourth baby blanket to a friend and I'm working on number five for a very special little girl who is turning two next month (Buggy went to the store and chose the colors for her new lovey), give Boogie much cuddle time and assuring him that I love him more than words can say and giving him some extra special mommy and Boogie time before the baby arrives, catch up on my reading (and thinking I should get audio books so that I can "read" while working on my baby blankets), continue my quiet time in the morning and spend time with God and pray for my family and friends, sleep & sleep & sleep because I need it, and learn & practice grace knowing that my friends are helping out of love and I can repay them by being grateful and gracious and know that my turn will come in time.
So I sit.
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